Das ist mein Streit:
durch alle Tage schweifen.
Dann, stark und briet,
mit tausend Wurzelstriefen
tief in das Leben greifen –
und durch das Leid
weit aus dem Leben reifen,
weit aus der Zeit!
~ Rainer Maria Rilke
As I write this, I have a stonking headache. I had to cancel meeting up with a good friend earlier, which felt worse for me than any pain in my head. My trips out of the house are precious, especially those of a social nature. The people in my life are gifts of great value.
I don’t think the headache is to do with my dystonia or heart failure. It could be a side effect of my medication, or perhaps something I ate last night that had a few too chemicals. Who can tell? I find these ‘incidental’ aches, pains etc hard, as every day living is not easy in the first place now.
With the passing of time, I am no longer feeling reduced and frustrated as I was in my last post. I have been contacted by Together Against Genocide and am waiting for a follow-up phone call. I also had a rejection from a publisher who asked me to send more poetry. Now, a rejection like that is not so bad.
My right leg remains twice the size of my left, I don’t know if that will change. I also discovered that my right butt cheek is twice the size of the other. That will be very funny when I start to wear jeans again. I am looking forward to an Indian summer with less intense heat. The garden needs attention desperately, so I need to find a gardener quickly and this overwhelms me. Really, apart from my conditions, feeling overwhelmed is my most frequent problem.
Having had to buy a new washing machine, I was overwhelmed by the delivery of it. I got a parking ticket (erroneously) and I felt overwhelmed. I want to change my mobile phone company, but want a sim only and to keep my number. This overwhelms me. I have admin to do and I’m overwhelmed.
So, the skin on my fat leg at times bothers me. I can’t describe it. Sometimes it’s like pins are being pushed in, other times it feels as though it’s not entirely mine. My doctor gave me an analgesic cream but in this heat the ‘wearing’ of it is not pleasant, even when thoroughly rubbed in. So occasionally I take a pain killer by mouth.
I found out that analgesics do ‘find’ the pain! Certain proteins, chemicals anyway, are released by the hurting cells, and painkillers contain something that locks on to that chemical. It was much more scientific when I read it, I’m not good at retaining facts unless I’m studying the subject.