Today has been a very strange day. I didn’t get to sleep at all on Wednesday night so yesterday I fell asleep at 4.30pm and didn’t wake until 6 pm this morning, when I slaked my thirst and then went back to sleep until 11pm.

I managed to convert a read only document to a docx to attach to an email. Then a man came to put up a new mirror in my bathroom. It has a shelf underneath and small shelves down one side. I’m very pleased and it cost far less than the same one in Ikea.

Meanwhile I had been receiving stroppy texts from a friend who had been doing gardening for me. He actually knows nothing about plants and I had had my flowerbed gravelled over before I knew him, and I had planted a few pots. When I got to know this friend he inspired me to plant up more pots, but we didn’t realise that this summer was going to be so hot, and because I tire so easily and cannot water often enough, most of my plants have died. It’s made me so sad.

At the same time, a man whom I’ve employed a lot to put up shelves, blinds, etc and had left me with grit that got walked into my carpet and later after another job had left a lot of rubbish was begging me to let him do a job for free in order to make up for over charging me. I thought was going mad. My breathing was becoming wheezy. I had to end all the traffic on my phone. My daughter arrived and we had a light dinner. I opened a bottle of Mojito.

I just couldn’t settle. We went upstairs so that I could use the ceiling fan in my bedroom. After not long I wanted to go back downstairs and open both windows. We talked about her work, and then I wanted to go back upstairs. I was using my inhaler a lot, but my breathing was not improving. So I told my daughter that I needed to be nebulised so she waited until the ambulance had arrived. The nebuliser worked. I could talk without gasping for breath.

They wanted to take me to hospital because my tachycardia had not reduced and my respiratory rate had not slowed. I told them I felt normal, my tachycardia was normal although not quite that fast. I said I would not call an ambulance feeling as I did after the nebuliser. So they wrote that I risked death and asked me to sign it.

I know myself very well. I am a good self manager. I know for sure that the Emergency Department is not at all a good place to be for me.

By Chrisssie Morris Brady

I've read poetry since I was nine and have written creatively since I was fourteen (probably long before that). After writing book reviews and social comment, I decided I wanted to write poetry. I have no formal training, but I surround myself with poets and their writing. I am honing my craft.
I have two published collections which I don't feel good about, but have been published by and other publications. I live on the south coast of England with my daughter. I am seriously ill.

7 replies on “Paramedics…”

It’s not that I was reluctant to seek help. I have an inhaler that should have worked. I didn’t realise how stressed I felt about the communications I’d received. Stress one of the main triggers when one has inflamed lungs. I thought my discomfort was physical, rather than mental. (I live with a rare neurological disease mentioned in detail earlier in this blog.) I am a good manager, I made the call. I also wanted to enjoy my daughter’s company for as long as possible.

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I should say that the paramedics arranged for a duty doctor to call me later. My phone rang but the caller end the call as I answered. I figured he’d got proof of life… Then yesterday another duty doctor rang so maybe the first one had not realised I had answered.

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