Gone..

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We spent an evening, a night, part of a day. He slept, I bought food for him, he kept sleeping, I went to see a neighbour and came back to find him gone.

At last, love…

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As I write, the man with whom I’m in love is walking to my home to make a life with me. Long over due, but worth waiting for.

Aching, but positive…

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Yesterday, some poet friends and I drove to Romsey for a poetry collective. I read one that is really a stream of consciousness. Many read or performed humorous poetry, and others more serious or pastural poetry.

When I got home I was very dehydrated, and I began to ache. I had fallen last Friday, so bruises from that were still making themselves known. The venue yesterday was upstairs, but we had break and tea was outside. I clocked up a fair bit of walking, which is the one thing I can’t do a lot of.

So last night I went to bed very early. With lots of fluids. I still ache, but it’s going away. I’ve been struggling to open a pressure washer so I can rid my birch tree of some horrid black things that are eating it’s leaves. It’s good for me to be active when I ache.

I’m much better…

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Over the last week I’ve been expressing how tired I’ve felt. I think a lot of it is my neighbours’ wind chimes which cause me agony. Then my gastic problems flared up for a bit, and so I bought some hydration tablets.

These have the electrolytes we need to stay energised and feeling in charge of ourselves. I added one to some juice and the next day I felt so much better. It really did the trick.

We often think of sleep as the cure to tiredness, but sometimes we need to take stock of what’s going on with our bodies. If we take time to think about our immediate health, we often find the clues.

If you are someone who runs a lot or works out in some way, drinking semi skimmed milk beforehand will prevent dehydration. Milk and Coca Cola rehydrate you faster than water . But drinking plenty of water is really the best thing.

I fell in my garden yesterday. I was knocking black bugs off my birch tree, as tripped, scraping skin from my upper arm, cutting the inside of my elbow. My inner elbow is very bruised now and the area on my upper arm is still very painful.

I feel good though. A fall like that only robs me of an hour. I have been planting and dead heading. My birch tree will also recover.

Instagram@purbeckpoet

Repost of poem…

Published by Anti-Heroin Chic

• 

perhaps you must be a butterfly,
knowing darkness before your
flight.
the damp unfurling of your wings,
in the warm light of a new dawn.

we thought you were flying,
no one saw this coming.

you will be stronger for the wait,
brighter through the flame you thought might
burn.
no one can singe you now, what might have
dimmed you makes you shine.

no one saw it coming,
you have wisdom now

gained through pain and searing, not a moth
drawn to every light form with no
guide.
most glorious of colors in flight,
you gaze at you with newborn awe.

no one saw this coming,
that you fly higher than before

Slightly testy…

• 

I’ve had no progress on the wind chimes next door. I say next door, but it might as well be in my garden or house. I’m exhausted from the pain. It’s an intolerable cruelty.

Also, I have met all my deadlines so feel an sort of anti-climax. I don’t like how I’ve felt today. No one would have noticed. I have just been out of sorts. I made myself get groceries. I dislike shopping. Of any sort. Unless I’m in the Middle East, then I love wandering around markets.

It seems like I have a pressure at the back of my head, and just behind my eyes. In Germany, it is against the law to inflict such pain on anyone, especially a neighbour.

Racism, guns etc

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Please forgive the color of my skin. It says nothing about me except that I have certain ‘privilege’ that I did not demand, but should be the right of every person on this earth. I want to say that adding ‘ness’ to white does not mean one is bashing privilege or the institutions. The founding fathers did not want ‘blackness’ in what became the USA. A black was two thirds of a person. No woman counted.

The founding fathers realised their constitution was not perfect or just, and believed that future governments would correct and amend the constitution they wrote in a rush in Philadelphia. The only concession made was when Washington, in the South, was made the capital.

To say ‘whiteness would rather die than eat food from black hands’ is racist. To say the institutions discriminate against blacks and the poor directly and indirectly’ is not racist. The institutions of today have black members. Blackness attacking whiteness is racism. There is no such thing as ‘reverse racism’. Society favours white people, especially rich white people. Everyone should fight this in every way they can.

I am not embarrassed to say that white people have designed their historical conquests to suit their comforts, expectations, culture, and sensibilities. They, we, have decimated the cultures and countries where people with different skin colour live and originate. We have imposed our needs, our sensibilities, everywhere we have gone.

In writing this, I can be accused of ‘sucking up’, appropriating the pain of another race, but in truth I am ashamed of being white and blue eyed. My life hasn’t been great, but I’ve made the most of what was given me. One of those things is critical thinking. I came to realise how disgusting and evil the white privilege is, that it soils every encounter with people from other races. I want to stand up and shout it to every white government and person, that our attitude is wrong, arrogant and ignorant.

I have had two guns pointed at me. I have felt that cold feeling, that instant of shock. I relate to that fear. I do not fear death, but I fear the insanity of guns, white privilege and racism. They are a vile mix.

Still very tired…

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September is here so I feel a sadness. The warm long evenings have gone and the days are cooler.

I’m still feeling tired and there’s no reason for it. I’m eating healthily, although perhaps not quite as much as I should. I’m sleeping really well. I get plenty of fresh air.

The windchimes next door still cause me so much pain. That’s all I can think of that would cause this weariness. I have phoned the local paper.

I disturbed a monarch butterfly in my garden and then it lit on the ground in front of me. They are so beautiful. There have been no birds in my garden since my neighbour cut back his vines. A dead bird was put in my porch, which really upset me.

I’ve been to poetry readings, which are always good. Some people from Salisbury were there, which added more into the mix. I shall be reading there later this month.

I am going to have a nap, which is very unusual for me. It’s the only way I’m going to get through today.

Instagram: @purbeckpoet

So tired…

• 

I woke this morning feeling quite achey and physically tired. I’m not sure why. Maybe my body telling me to rest. So I’ve rested and slept.

I written a letter to the local newspaper about the windchimes. I asked if anyone could provide a solution.

I have submitted some poetry to a publisher I admire, I’ve had notification that a poem will be published in December, and I’m gathering poems a the courage to enter a poetry competition.

My breathing remains good, I have a lot of nerve pain currently. A lot is due to the windchimes. It is a mini hell. I’m doing my best to not think about it, and to live joyfully. That’s hard when I’m screaming in pain.

I can hear birds singing, and that gives me such pleasure.