For My Dad

Transparent skin on your long fingered hands I didn’t notice before the same hands as mine and I belong Not in slipping sands, alone, but from you, made by you And I realise your flesh is less and veins blue are seen Under the beauty of your frame and so I realise with tears We are the same

Each day that I don’t see you there is a fear I won’t again And that is too much pain for me to bear because of death Visiting me long ago and I pushed my face against your neck No letting go, wanting life, wanting you to never let me fall You carried me

Your eyes still smile at me and humour from all my life is near I make you laugh despite my fear and swallow the rising wail Of grief untold, not yet borne, but dreaded though I steal the time That still is left to us to share. I hold my breath and do not dare To go far from you. I hold your hand often cold and want be told Death is not near

I’ve known you young and middle years you never changed Or spoke untruths. You walked and walked for search of solitude But now I will not let you alone I will not leave you to the world That in your head baffles you and yesterday is forever gone If I could bear it in your stead you know my love for you understood And I am still your little girl sat on your knee

Chrissie Morris Brady

Published 2014

I’m kind of embarrassed…

• 

I just want to go back to blogging about my health. I am tired of having my life intruded upon by people with empty minds.

My life has been unrecognisable since DW left next door and I was blamed for everything when in fact that woman was the author of everything that is attributed to me.

I’ve put up with such trashy behaviour from every one involved. Everyone. Even the council. All because of a very sick alcoholic. Enabled by another alcoholic.

It’s unbelievable. Incredulous.

My hip is very weak. No pain but no strength.

And I can’t tell you why this is in italics.