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Tired and strange…

Today I have been feeling not quite myself. Nothing specific, but it could be the humidity we’ve had for a few days.

My breathing is affected by humidity and tires me. I have spent time writing, talking with my cousin, daughter, and just left a zoom event held by The Poetry Society. I was late. This is happening quite often, I’m sad to say. Being late.

I had a nap earlier and whilst drifting into sleep it seemed I could feel the turning of the Earth. I haven’t felt this for years. It’s not just that I feel the Earth turning but today it was like I could feel myself suspended by gravity and a vacuum. This sensation goes back to nightmares I had early on with PTSD.

I slept for a round an hour or so and then did some things in the house and garden. I have finally been able to plant my hanging baskets but they need more soil, so are not hung yet.

The zoom meeting was very good, excellent in fact. I listened and did not comment. I was not on the agenda.

It’s good to be aware of one’s appearance on zoom. I remembered to reapply my lippy.

I’ve just watered the garden. The rose for my sister is in bloom. I have watched the bud for two weeks now. I sat and ate strawberries while I looked at it.

My strawberries are lush. So sweet and falling apart on biting. It is so satisfying to eat what one has grown.

I still need to cut away some tomato leaves. It will make the plants less heavy and more sun will reach the crop,

So now I am exhausted. I’m aware of discomfort but not pain. My ankle was very slightly puffy today but not painful, just reminding me it needs rest.

I’m going to have a glass of rose wine as there is no chocolate in the house. I hope to sleep well, despite the sultry evening.

I am a bit low. All my friends are back at work and though I’m used to that I haven’t seen them in ages.

I’m not going to change my behaviour now that lockdown is over. I’m going to wait.

By Chrisssie Morris Brady

I've read poetry since I was nine and have written creatively since I was fourteen (probably long before that). After writing book reviews and social comment, I decided I wanted to write poetry. I have no formal training, but I surround myself with poets and their writing. I am honing my craft.
I have two published collections which I don't feel good about, but have been published by madswirl.com and other publications. I live on the south coast of England with my daughter. I am seriously ill.

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