Praying for rain…

There’s a heavy rain cloud overhead, I hope it will pour down for my garden. And for my breathing.

I feel tired again. Inflammation makes one tired in order to make a person rest so that they recover. My ankle has been very inflamed and still has a little way to go.

I just left a zoom meeting. It didn’t seem to flow well and some feel predisposed to talk when it’s someone’s turn to speak.

I am still taking painkillers for my ankle and the bruising to my back. That is better but I still get twinges in my ribs.

I had a friend for cold drinks in my garden. It was so pleasant but I really find it hard to trust anyone these days. So many people are untrustworthy and unreliable.

I am grateful for the friends I have.

Tired and strange…

Today I have been feeling not quite myself. Nothing specific, but it could be the humidity we’ve had for a few days.

My breathing is affected by humidity and tires me. I have spent time writing, talking with my cousin, daughter, and just left a zoom event held by The Poetry Society. I was late. This is happening quite often, I’m sad to say. Being late.

I had a nap earlier and whilst drifting into sleep it seemed I could feel the turning of the Earth. I haven’t felt this for years. It’s not just that I feel the Earth turning but today it was like I could feel myself suspended by gravity and a vacuum. This sensation goes back to nightmares I had early on with PTSD.

I slept for a round an hour or so and then did some things in the house and garden. I have finally been able to plant my hanging baskets but they need more soil, so are not hung yet.

The zoom meeting was very good, excellent in fact. I listened and did not comment. I was not on the agenda.

It’s good to be aware of one’s appearance on zoom. I remembered to reapply my lippy.

I’ve just watered the garden. The rose for my sister is in bloom. I have watched the bud for two weeks now. I sat and ate strawberries while I looked at it.

My strawberries are lush. So sweet and falling apart on biting. It is so satisfying to eat what one has grown.

I still need to cut away some tomato leaves. It will make the plants less heavy and more sun will reach the crop,

So now I am exhausted. I’m aware of discomfort but not pain. My ankle was very slightly puffy today but not painful, just reminding me it needs rest.

I’m going to have a glass of rose wine as there is no chocolate in the house. I hope to sleep well, despite the sultry evening.

I am a bit low. All my friends are back at work and though I’m used to that I haven’t seen them in ages.

I’m not going to change my behaviour now that lockdown is over. I’m going to wait.

Here’s the truth…

In November 2018 Mike appeared in my bedroom at 3am. He seemed sweet and earnest so after failing to get him to leave I told him I would talk to him downstairs. (I should have called the police.)

During this bizarre visit, things happened that can only be described as molestation.

DW also trespassed into my home at 6am.

The following Tuesday, the 13 11 18, M came to apologise. I accepted his apology on the condition that he help put together some flat pack items and get rid of some stuff that my ex, while visiting, had left behind.

M agreed. He came on the Saturday 17 11 18 and we started on the flat pack stuff. He then announced he was off to watch rugby with a friend. We had not finished. He said he would return to finish it the next weekend.

At around 5pm he messaged me and invited me to have Spanish stew with him. I accepted. After all, he was a boring man but appeared to have a sweet side.

After dinner and watching the rugby, I dozed off. I had had several glasses of wine. Things happened that evening that are not legal.

The next weekend M did not turn up to complete his promise, ignoring two messages from me.

On the Tuesday of that week, I messaged both M and DW about his promise.

M blocked me and DW rudely told me that he would never help me with anything ever again.

I was calm but upset at this woman, who had so often spoken badly about M should again speak for him.

The next evening someone who I was friendly with was at my home and got angry that a lot of clutter was still in place and they took it and threw it over the fence into the garden nextdoor. This made me angry and I asked her to leave. I have not seen her since.

In the morning I was in my garden when these items started being thrown back by DW. The first one almost caused a head injury, and I asked her to stop. She did not. I took what I could to my dustbin, and put the rest in a black sack for my daughter or friend to take to the dump.

I then called the police. They fitted a lock that worked on my backdoor and took a statement about events from me. This included sexual crimes.

It seems DW doesn’t answer the door when the police knock on it.

I owed M £3 so put it through the letterbox with an apology for the stuff being thrown over the fence. He accepted my apology. DW did not. She returned everything I had given her. M had to replace one of the books for me.

On 27 12 18 DW threw 12kg of kindling over the fence into my garden. Later would come a jar of wax and a food guard.

The police advised me to go to the ASB dept of the council. I stupidly did not as I thought the officer was going to do it anyway.

In late January I received a letter from the ASB team saying they would visit. I phoned them and reported all that I had experienced in anti social behaviour from DW. My friend had also received emails from DW that were so foul in nature I cannot repeat them here or anywhere. I sent them to the ASB.

After that, DW banged on the adjoining wall, called me names when I was returning from taking a parcel to a neighbour.

I was very angry that the letting agency were not going to be informed of the criminal behaviour and anti-social behaviour of DW.

In April my current neighbours showed me a malicious letter from DW. Everything fell together. How my previous neighbours knew about my blog, why they turned hostile overnight.

I have tried to apologise to the letting agent for telling them that they must be gossiping about me. Their response was hostility.

In February this year I started getting phone calls for the letting agency. Finally, I was able to ask a caller how they had got my number. It was the Landlord Association and DW had given them my number. The calls then stopped.

I was unnerved that the malicious letter was hand delivered at a time when there were no buses. DW is not the type to walk a long distance. It turns out she has moved very close to me.

DW has appeared on a community website as John Thomas, Dawn ???, and Sarah Fox. She managed to turn some people against me and scared other people away. I am currently not using it.

The police have revealed the lies she told them, shown by emails from M. I have never done anything wrong, so her letters are not only malicious but libellous.

The police have seen her letter.

How I ache…

I woke this morning aching just about everywhere. I eventually remembered that I had pushed my trolley a small way as it is low on battery. The guy who serviced it a year ago swindled me. It’s a complex story and I’m not going into it here. But I should not experience this for another two or three years.

I had been out to see the neighbour who is going to put in the battery I have purchased. He was meant to come on Friday but it poured with rain and yesterday was also very wet.

When I say ‘neighbour’ I don’t mean just the houses that are either side me. I think of everyone as my neighbour.

This man is very busy and I don’t like to intrude. I know he will come.

I have taken pain killers and am moving around gently. My ankle is much less swollen now and only hurts sometimes.

The weather is still grey, but there was a lovely sunny interval yesterday evening. It made me feel grateful to be alive.

Fruit and tiredness…

My strawberries are wonderfully sweet. I add them to muesli or pancakes. And loads of tomatoes are on the plants. Small and green but it’s early yet.

The figs are doing very well too. I’m a happy gardener.

Loads more flowers are blooming, and I found a replacement swing seat. I’m really happy as it’s homemade so much less expensive than shop bought ones.

I planted my hanging baskets but need some more soil. They will survive for now.

I am tired. My headache went but I am weary. I finished the fritata. When it is cold one can pick it up with fingers. It’s almost all protein so very healthy.

I’m going to bed now.

Not feeling so great…

I’m just watching a RNLI boat going out to rescue another person(s) that are probably taking risks. That’s all it’s been since lockdown ended.

I’ve had headaches for several days now. It seems I am to blame for things I was unaware of during a chaotic zoom meeting. How odd. It’s funny how people one considers a friend can start making accusations which are totally false when there were 12 of us present and they left for ten minutes.

I do thank God that I have friends who are true no matter what they hear said about me.

Last night I made frittata for dinner except I forgot the sweet potato. It was ham, cheese, tomatoes, mushrooms, eggs and yoghurt with spices and kosher salt. It was warming and tasted good and there’s enough for lunch.

My ankle hurts though, as a result of making it. My daughter often doesn’t finish work until after seven.

I need to finish painting the gates. Only a tiny bit to do. I just don’t like how weary I feel afterward. At least it is cool. I think summer may be over. Now that there is another forest fire.

I’m grateful for good sleep. What a difference it makes.

A surreal day…

My daughter returned last evening and made a great meal. After that I watched some TV. Not a frequent occurrence but I found a series I enjoy.

The paramedics this morning seem a lifetime away.

I was silly enough to pop out this lunchtime. The place is heaving with people and children on bikes they were during lockdown. I got an ice cream with a friend at my favourite café. It was great, we really do great ice cream here.

I’m not watering the garden tonight. It looks like rain and my ankle hurts though much better than this morning. I have ached generally today since waking. The last effect of the missed dose on Friday evening.

Yesterday was my 500th post. I’m glad most of them are about my health.

Headache…

This super yacht appeared yesterday. It’s tiny in comparison to the $1billion one moored alongside further down west, and a snap at £35million. Why not have two? On this one your less likely to lose your companions for as long.

It is unattractive, being grey which must absorb a lot of heat unless it is insulted. Oh silly me, of course it’s insulated.

Too big for a berth it’s moored alongside the Quay unless they’ve moved it. I’m glad money doesn’t buy happiness.

I had a shock when paramedics turned up. I thought it was my yodel courier who is very pleasant. I shouted to hang on a sec and bent to pick up my mail. The door opened and I had to put a hand out to stop myself being knocked out and my head crushed against the wall.

I thought maybe they’d come for a cup of tea, but no someone had phoned in that I was suicidal. I’m stunned but drawing no conclusions.

I’ve had trolls on Instagram, and on facebook, as well as on a community website. I know who that is.

It isn’t clever. They give themselves away so easily.

My head aches. The last symptom of the missed med las night. I’m otherwise OK now. I did allow two new comments on post, but they got argumentative so I trashed comments. I really don’t need billigerence on my blog. Ok, how do you spell that that word?

My daughter came this morning with a fresh supply of my med. And made me brunch. She’s coming again to make dinner. She bought me some lovely tea towels because she has needed to mop stuff up. She knows I hate paper towels as they use up trees.

One good thing is that my ankle was bandaged to give it support by one of the paramedics. I shower everyday, so that may become a problem but I have a lovely stool in my bathroom so I can put that into the shower and stick my foot out.

My breathing was ragged earlier but better now. My phone tells me it’s raining, but it isn’t although there are grey clouds.

I’ve realised why…

I’ve had so much traffic. Not only have I been nominated for an award, but I was invited to post one of my blog posts at a site because it was ”outstanding”.

I’m feeling very unwell as I discovered the second med. I take had run out. The pharmacy sent only half of my script. This one doesn’t keep me alive but helps. The trouble is that a missed dose makes one feel weird and strange. It passes off but it is unpleasant. So for the next few hours I will be feeling horrible.

I’ve had four nuisance calls this morning. I’ve also had numerous phone calls about a non-existent car accident. I am not stupid.

I am no threat to anyone. I’m pretty insignificant to anyone except my daughter. I’m not in love with anyone, I don’t write poison letters, and this blog at no time mentions where I live. I make sure that any surname used is across the whole country.

My ankle has been incredibly painful since last night. This morning my whole leg was hot and throbbing. It has reduced now, but is still uncomfortable.

My breathing is OK even though I’ve only taken my med once this week. I have been needing my inhaler more often and at times have struggled to breathe, but I cannot cope with the side effects.

It’s so weird how a person can proclaim their love, their protection and that no one else in the world matters and be gone the next day. Without a word.

I would give anything for a hour with my Dad and other people throw their family away. The injustice!

I am sickened by some peoples’ attitude to ward the protests against the brutality toward black people in America or here. White privilege is so obstructive one could fall over it and break one’s leg.

It isn’t only George Floyd. It’s Ahmaud Arbery. It’s Joy Gardner, Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown and so many, many more.

No one understands unless they’re black. I saw fear on my black friends’ faces when a cop car drove by, I understood why they were afraid, but I can’t even imagine it.

Feeling like getting on a boat…

I could easily jump on a boat and sail away to some Island in the Pacific.

193 people have looked through my blog today. Why?

I’ve been blamed for the chaos of a zoom poetry meeting. The leak I asked a plumber to find has been found a year later.

The repairs will be a nightmare.

I hate my med. All the rare side effects. I want to scream out loud.