I did not sleep well last night despite the window being ajar. I don’t know why. So, this morning I slept until noon, being woken by knocking in my dream which was actual knocking. I have no idea who it was.
At this time of year, I start to count the days off until the Solstice. In my mind I am doing this but I can no longer see the sun. I am aware of sunset because the glow is just visible. I can’t see the sun at all, because of the monstrosity they have built in front of my house.
In terms of beauty of nature, they have taken my greatest wealth – the view from my bedroom where I write. I was able to see the mouth of the harbour, ferries coming in and out, the chain ferry across the entrance, and at night, all the lights. The yachts sailing, windsurfers. It’s all gone from me and it affects my mental health.
I used to smile at that view. A smile is good for your mind. That view would beckon me outdoors… It reminded me of how big the world is and all the places I’ve been.
I watched Ireland beat Georgia at rugby today. Ireland did not play well, in spite of the score. I’ve seen Ireland play far better against the All Blacks. Against many teams. They won, and that’s what matters.
I feel sad. The pandemic has not been terrible for me, but it has messed up my social life.
I miss masculinity in my life. My Dad, my Uncle. I am grateful they did not live to endure the pandemic.
I like men. I don’t mean in a sexual way. I just mean I miss men.