A strange day…

Snow in April here is unusual. It started falling just as I was halfway to somewhere. It was -3C last night, and my heating had been switched off. Yes. I am that stupid.

It was also strange as I got two texts harassing me. They had been told not to contact me or come near my home. So that is reported to the police, following my earlier report two weeks ago.

My cleaner was upset. They are angry on my behalf. So are some other people. People who matter.

I have felt rubbish all day. I realise now that I forgot the steroids this morning. I am also experiencing pains in my ribs from my collapsing spine. I feel better now.

I have opened a bottle of wine. Once, someone was here and drank more in 19 hours than I do in two weeks.

I Don’t Know Why

Ancient history now, but still sometimes
in my mind, I see you kissing me so deeply
such craving for touch until then I knew not
your tall, broad, body at an angle to my small one

I see it as if from the ceiling, maybe your size
made me aware much more that you are male
the hunger and need caught me by surprise
a recognition was lit in my soul to nurture you

So it was, I fed you what you were longing for
since then you’ve lied and betrayed our trist
calling you spineless was true after all, though
my pain because of it was deep. I don’t know why

I saw the truth but wanted to deny your sweetness
was encased in a troubled heart, bereaved so young
you have no idea of being loved or loving back
you numb yourself with drink but worse, enable a drunk

Published in The Lark