My Mother Loves Me

My mother hates me –
oh wicked liar I am,
she says she loves me
And everyone tells me so

I can do nothing right
And she chases me, hairbrush
In hand to hit me all over
She says she loves me

I can say nothing right for her
I am rude, ungrateful,
And rewrite the history
Where she smelt of roses

No shouting at me, no threats
Not biting me, not calling me whore
There was no conflict ever
And she never kidnapped me

She hasn’t said I’ll come to no good
Or that she’d be a better mother
For my daughter, who hates her
She never stamped her foot

I’ve torn my hair out, actually
I’ve clawed my face and hit my head
But now I just don’t bother
When I can, I go to bed

See, I have responsibilities
And love my daughter dearly
So I need pay the bills, buy the food
I can’t indulge my memories

She didn’t shout when I was mute
By operations on my brain
And never felt sorry for herself
When I was totally helpless

Promise me this; never be
Helpless in front of my mother
She’ll shred you up and spit you out
You need to close up like a clam

Years of practice it took me
To tighten up that shell real tight
And become invisible to all
No more audible than a mouse

So it took years to let friends in
But still keep out my mother
Leaning to be a ducks back
Whilst alive to my loving pals

Am I then a schizophrenic?
No, I’m simply grown up wise
And cannot allow further hurt or hate
To waste my life and time

Written in 1999

Published in Know Thyself, Heal Thyself

Accepting the Faults of Others

In life we are surrounded by people who have faults. Heck, we are one of them.

I tend not to be affected by people’s faults as I realise they are just humans. A friend is persistently late, so I don’t hurry. Another scoffs at the foibles of low esteem, so I don’t share those things. I know my friends. I know what their weak spots are and recognize they are different to me in various ways.

Of course, I want to be accepted too, and I have many faults. So, we all need forbearance. Only good friends can do this. A flake will push you away, forgetting they are imperfect too.

Really close friends are able to say what bugs them. This is healthy, and we may well be working on that fault anyway.

With colleagues it is harder. I have one that cannot apologize. It is not in her vocabulary. The closest she gets is ‘’I’m sorry if you…’’ which is no apology at all. I don’t mind unless she has greatly inconvenienced me, or insulted me. This occurs a lot so I do feel frustrated — I take myself out in the garden, pull a few weeds, water something, and then return to my laptop.

I can accept any fault in anyone except; dishonesty, not keeping their word, and personal attacks. Those are my boundaries.

So when that happens, I must address it. I do this by talking about my feelings. So, I say ‘’I feel …. when you do…’’

I use Do because it separates the deed from the person. ‘’Do’’ may not always be the right verb, so I find another way to separate the action from the person.

Always, I try not to do this in anger. I wait until I’m relaxed and calm. Otherwise, it is simply destructive.

It is best, too, to correct a child without anger. How do we get angry at a child for being a child?

Whilst we must accept the faults of others, we must have boundaries in place.

Published inKnow Thyself, Heal Thyself