In life we are surrounded by people who have faults. Heck, we are one of them.
I tend not to be affected by people’s faults as I realise they are just humans. A friend is persistently late, so I don’t hurry. Another scoffs at the foibles of low esteem, so I don’t share those things. I know my friends. I know what their weak spots are and recognize they are different to me in various ways.
Of course, I want to be accepted too, and I have many faults. So, we all need forbearance. Only good friends can do this. A flake will push you away, forgetting they are imperfect too.
Really close friends are able to say what bugs them. This is healthy, and we may well be working on that fault anyway.
With colleagues it is harder. I have one that cannot apologize. It is not in her vocabulary. The closest she gets is ‘’I’m sorry if you…’’ which is no apology at all. I don’t mind unless she has greatly inconvenienced me, or insulted me. This occurs a lot so I do feel frustrated — I take myself out in the garden, pull a few weeds, water something, and then return to my laptop.
I can accept any fault in anyone except; dishonesty, not keeping their word, and personal attacks. Those are my boundaries.
So when that happens, I must address it. I do this by talking about my feelings. So, I say ‘’I feel …. when you do…’’
I use Do because it separates the deed from the person. ‘’Do’’ may not always be the right verb, so I find another way to separate the action from the person.
Always, I try not to do this in anger. I wait until I’m relaxed and calm. Otherwise, it is simply destructive.
It is best, too, to correct a child without anger. How do we get angry at a child for being a child?
Whilst we must accept the faults of others, we must have boundaries in place.
Published inKnow Thyself, Heal Thyself
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