Freedom to speak up at SWAST is a mess…

I recently resigned from the Council of Governors for my local ambulance service. When I say local, it covers a huge area the population of which triples in summer. Recently, it has been in a critical incident due to Covid-19 and the stupidity of holiday makers taking unnecessary risks.

My resignation was to do with internal messes, miscommunications, and breach of my trust. So, I did not resign to my boss but to the Chairman of the Trust.

The interview was arranged by the chairman so that I could my concerns. However, the freedom to speak up left me with more concerns than ever.

I brought up that someone broke the Equality Act. I was told that they were kind so that didn’t matter, and further that they were kind meant they had broken the law “proportionally”. Proportionality is shown is in the penalty, not the breaking of the law!

I brought up that no one knew how to make a complaint about an emergency call handler. (Here, the complaint is made to the service needed. For example, if you have dialled 999 because you cannot breathe and all you can say is “am- am- am”, rather than ambulance, the 999 call handler should recognise that it is not the police or fire service that is required. It is amazing how many emergency call handlers cannot distinguish that. The time delayed could cost a life). But no, the freedom to speak up person also believed that the complaint goes to 999. Instead of believing me, she told me she would find out for herself. How rude.

So my debrief from my resignation left me with more concerns than before my debrief and very concerned about the culture within the office staff of that ambulance service.

Rhythms In My Life

Each of us is unique in how we live our lives. At the beginning, we fit with the family we are born into. As we reach our late teens some of us begin to individuate and find our nuclear family less comfortable, a very flawed parent, being treated differently to an older sibling. We can still remain close to a family member, or wait until the season is right to renew that latent bond.

However, to have a healthy relationship with a life partner we must individuate- we cannot make a relationship in the image of the family we are born into.

Discovering that I did not fit well in my nuclear family was the same exploration of my own values. Many remained the same as my Dad’s with some fine tuning. Every useless thing of my mother was extinguished. Having many loving friends, I flourished.

I sought education that my mother had denied me and the change in me through self awareness and, therefore, growth birthed many healthy habits and living outwardly; for the benefit of others and easing their burden.

I move at different speeds, adapting to each new phase of life. Being single, being married, being a mother, becoming a lone parent, and now an empty nest. My life has always been full as I always volunteered my skills as well as my paid job. I was fortunate to be a stay at home mom, it’s still full time work, but once my daughters were at school I began the volunteering once more. Now I work, and I write here.

My inspiration comes from observation. This was learnt through photography and poetry. Both depict scenes, both are gifted to others.

My work demands that I observe. Especially that which is not seen or heard. Inspiration comes from this too. Adding anonymity makes it a creation, a lesson, a tale.

My speeds vary at this time in my life. I cook simple, nutritious food, I tend my garden, I wander in nature near my home, I am a hostess, and friend. Now I also am a patient needing a prescription.

I am like the Moon. Seen in various forms and pulling the tides.

Published in Know Thyself, Heal Thyself

A full moon tonight and my health…

I am looking forward to the full moon tonight. I love the moon, it seems so friendly. It has been my friend.

On Monday I had botuline injections into my left arm. The hope is that it will relax and reduce the muscle spasms that I currently experience. It takes about three weeks to take effect.

On Wednesday, a nebulizer arrived. After two years of waiting, I feel it is too late now as my inhalers make no difference to my breathing anymore, it seems.

I have lost some weight. My watch swings around my wrist. I feel ok though, I am eating as well as I can.

Waxing Moon

A Poem

Each evening, yearning every night
for Moonlight to flood my bedroom
waiting to watch wondrous orb
transit east to west across the sky

Tender light, gentle in your journey
I watch as you wax, revealing more
from sickle to fully glowing
friendly light, filling each night

Published in Under The Moon

Last Post

A poem for Remembrance Sunday

Bugler blows end of day, time to rest
each note separate, not easy, skill is needed
And in respect for a comrade fallen
emotions rise, yet control is held
this friend’s sleep will not be broken

Solemn notes sound so lonesome clearly
commanding silence, peace, respect
bugler’s own heart is breaking, plays on
though tears may well, dignity kept
heart rending Last Post is his duty

Published in LifeLine

I may have begun a revolution…and a business…

A short while ago, quite by chance, I learned that Intensive Care Units (ICU) have complied to a paper by Professor Duncan Young, Oxford, and reduced community noise by changing to plastic trolleys and bins with soft close. He found that the noise was far above the World Health Organisation (WHO) guidelines and did not promote recovery. As a result, ICU is now much quieter and promotes recovery.

I took this and emailed the manager of my local hospital. I hoped to reduce the community noise in the Emergency Department (ED). I got nowhere fast, only eliciting a half-hearted response saying that when there were less busy times, anyone who found ED uncomfortable could be treated in a more personal way. To this, I replied that we do not have second-class patients.

A short while ago, quite by chance, I learned that Intensive Care Units (ICU) have complied to a paper by Professor Duncan Young, Oxford, and reduced community noise by changing to plastic trolleys and bins with soft close. He found that the noise was far above the World Health Organisation (WHO) guidelines and did not promote recovery. As a result, ICU is now much quieter and promotes recovery.

I took this and emailed the manager of my local hospital. I hoped to reduce the community noise in the Emergency Department (ED). I got nowhere fast, only eliciting a half-hearted response saying that when there were less busy times, anyone who found ED uncomfortable could be treated in a more personal way. To this, I replied that we do not have second-class patients.

I brought this up at a CoG at SWAST, and they were a loss too.

This year I have been in ED three times. The first, I needed pain relief just for being there. The second time I was denied any pain relief or sedative at all. The third time I left before anyone could see me as I was horrified by what I was intended to lie on. I was also discriminated against.

I made a formal complaint and now the ED is under scrutiny and breach of the Equality Act.

I brought this up at a CoG at SWAST, and they were a loss too.

This year I have been in ED three times. The first, I needed pain relief just for being there. The second time I was denied any pain relief or sedative at all. The third time I left before anyone could see me as I was horrified by what I was intended to lie on. I was also discriminated against.

I made a formal complaint and now the ED is under scrutiny and breach of the Equality Act. Watch this space.

Today I contacted a local producer of jams and preserves of all types. I may need to register with the Soil Association. I get so many figs, and next year will have more, as well as tomatoes and, hopefully, apricots.

This time last year I was terribly ill. I feared I would not make it to Christmas. I am so relieved that this autumn is different.

Icicles

A poem

Autumn falls but you brought winter
Freezing winds and icicles seize the heart

You weren’t content to let death us part
Spite and hate had to be left behind

For others to deliver
Autumn falls and icicles seize the heart

Published in The Lark

Sunshine

A poem

Sinking in our winter sky, sunshine floods my windows
giving my home warmth and light
Sunshine helps me protect the planet Earth
with natural warmth and light
Darkness shrouds our days and yet the sun shines still
the tilt of Earth turning from her rays
Soon now will come the shortest day
then, gratefully, we count more light

Published in Promptly Written

Grateful Heart

A poem

How can my heart not sing its gratitude,
and not show kindness where I go
our lives are governed by our attitude

Being positive does not spare us difficulties
but it sure helps us to endure them
surrounded by color in flowers, birds, and trees

So a thankful heart is mine for all reminders
of the beauty in the world, in most people,
the trials I face are eased by my thank yous

Published in Promptly Written

Beaver Moon

A poem

Photo by filmplusdigital on Unsplash

On the nineteenth night of this ninth month
Moon will be full and bright, but dulled in daylight
Lunar eclipse is the price Sun pays for jealousy

Moon shares the dark scrim with starry lights
extinguished a millenia past, planets, comets
he welcomes them, and they flatter him

When Sun comes all must flee her vanity
Though Moon appears then and when,
in summer Venus shines as Sun sets down

Moon is departing Earth inch by slow inch
lunar tides lessen, will we bid farewell
safely Moon has ruled with magnetic tides

I know Moon has lakes, they’re my tears
Moon was my solace when no one could
death makes his visits mostly in darkness

I have danced with death too many times
yet basked in Sunlight as I love her warmth
but the Moon is mine, soulmates are we

Published in Under The Moon

Sun

Poem

Earth on it’s axis turns away in it’s orbit
fickle but eternal path in the Universe

Darkness begins to shroud our daily lives
we hunker down, wrap ourselves warm

We yearn for light, the Sun, weak warmth
bright Sun mornings cheer our days, the joy

So rains and storms may come our way
Hallelujah for every single Sun day

Published in Lifeline

Trespass

A poem

Your hands went anywhere without consent
they traveled, guided by your mind
Sleeping, I could say no yes
half-waking, I felt your kiss

That kiss was my undoing, intoxicated as I was
by wine, but the quality of our mouths
doing what you began in reciprocity
spoke to forgotten yearning

I was celibate by choice; you knew but trespassed
how you dared I don’t know-the future days
no thought, but seducing
I could not move

I wanted, yet not, to stop you, we were friends
how to go on after this? So I kissed too
the way I used to kiss my lover
I still pay for your trespass

Published in The Lark