My breathing is getting worse. Two nights ago, as I laid my head on my pillow, respiratory rate was about 80. That is more than one per second.
It was a little scary. I just wait until it slows. It takes a few minutes. It gradually slows.
A lot of the time I feel I am suffocating. No air in my lungs.
Last night I became a bit unwell after my booster. My arm was painful and I had a mild temp and general flu type symptoms. Thankfully, I began to feel better this morning with paracetamol and lots to drink.
I had weird dreams too. I dreamt my late sister was in the sea and drowned. What on earth is that about? I also had times when I felt that if I slept, I would die.
I have new neighbours yet again. I really hope for an upgrade this time. Please God.
I had the booster jab today. I feel ok so far after about five hours. I don’t expect to be unwell. It’s all a bit of a farce really, with this Omicron on the rampage. I really don’t know what I think. I would die of Covid whether I am vaccinated or not.
I will be staying in until the numbers go down. There isn’t anywhere to go anyway.
The last couple of days I have felt no inclination to do anything. It must be to do with the lower amount of oxygen to my brain. But there’s also the dark days.
I have slept more than usual. However, I finally got to the hair salon, and I feel better for that.
My breathing seems no different whether I use inhalers or not now. It’s a mystery. I sometimes feel as though I’m suffocating when I’m walking around.
The storm affected my internet which is weird. I went to the nearest cafe on the quay. It’s also my favourite. As soon as I left my garden my phone started pinging and bleeping as the sheltered housing out there has wifi.
It is so cold. I have kept the phone number in case it happens again. I can’t go out in weather like that again.
I have recovered from last week now, but feel concerned about my health generally.
I continue to feel better. Last night I had my first meal. My friend got me some pasta, so I made some carbonara. It felt good to eat.
I am resting a feeling better. I feel almost my usual self again. I can sleep as normal now. Mostly, I am back to normal.
I am so grateful.
After my horrendous night, I knew I could not face another. I sent an email to my doctors practice and then went there on my trolley. Having purpose took my mind off my body. A receptionist told me the prescription would be with the pharmacy later. I y then rang the pharmacy, and yes, they had it.
I tried to phone Martin, a friend who had offered to go for me, but there was no answer. So I set off to get there myself. It was spitting with rain and growing dark. The traffic was building up. I just kept going although a lot of the time I felt afraid.
The pharmacist handed me a small bag. I asked if my key medicine was in it. She said no, it would be done in the morning. I replied that I had only come because they had told me it could be dispensed then. She was very kind and filled the whole prescription.
Coming home was darker and scarier. Where I live is so quiet. Every strange sound made me jump. Every shadow made me aware of how vulnerable I was.
I got home and took my meds. After a while I began to feel the beneficial effect of the meds. I was so relieved.
I again pulled weight on my bed cover. It comforted me. I slept fairly well. Today, I have felt fatigue. My vagus nerve is traumatised. It has been for some time, years.
I am so grateful that Martin phoned just as I had taken my meds. He had come to my house and found me not there.
I am grateful to the woman who was also in the pharmacy. I am grateful to all my friends.
Mostly, I am grateful to God. Without him I would despair. But I wish my spirit would weaken.
I forgot to renew my repeat prescription and have managed to find myself without medication for my neurological disease. It is very difficult. My body has been thrashing and writhing. I managed to get three hours of sleep by weighting my cover in bed. It soothes the nervous system and brings relief enough to sleep.
When I awoke, I found myself oddly still with hot pings around my body which must be to do with my damaged nervous system, but I was able to rest a short while longer.
I have been over to a lady with whom I am friendly. My attempts to text her had failed as I had put her phone number in my phone incorrectly. So now I know I am being prayed for. This comforts me. I know that Nick Archer is praying.
I wonder why my spirit is so strong when there has been so much suffering in my life? Why can’t I just give up the will to live? And yet I enjoy my life, apart from the disease.
Writer and psychologist. My health, a journey with two life shortening diseases 
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