My breathing is worse…

My breathing is getting worse. Two nights ago, as I laid my head on my pillow, respiratory rate was about 80. That is more than one per second.

It was a little scary. I just wait until it slows. It takes a few minutes. It gradually slows.

A lot of the time I feel I am suffocating. No air in my lungs.


A difficult night…

Last night I became a bit unwell after my booster. My arm was painful and I had a mild temp and general flu type symptoms. Thankfully, I began to feel better this morning with paracetamol and lots to drink.

I had weird dreams too. I dreamt my late sister was in the sea and drowned. What on earth is that about? I also had times when I felt that if I slept, I would die.

I have new neighbours yet again. I really hope for an upgrade this time. Please God.


I had my booster…

I had the booster jab today. I feel ok so far after about five hours. I don’t expect to be unwell. It’s all a bit of a farce really, with this Omicron on the rampage. I really don’t know what I think. I would die of Covid whether I am vaccinated or not.

I will be staying in until the numbers go down. There isn’t anywhere to go anyway.


Feeling Flat…

The last couple of days I have felt no inclination to do anything. It must be to do with the lower amount of oxygen to my brain. But there’s also the dark days.

I have slept more than usual. However, I finally got to the hair salon, and I feel better for that.

My breathing seems no different whether I use inhalers or not now. It’s a mystery. I sometimes feel as though I’m suffocating when I’m walking around.


My internet went down…

The storm affected my internet which is weird. I went to the nearest cafe on the quay. It’s also my favourite. As soon as I left my garden my phone started pinging and bleeping as the sheltered housing out there has wifi.

It is so cold. I have kept the phone number in case it happens again. I can’t go out in weather like that again.

I have recovered from last week now, but feel concerned about my health generally.


Continuing to recuperate…

I continue to feel better. Last night I had my first meal. My friend got me some pasta, so I made some carbonara. It felt good to eat.

I am resting a feeling better. I feel almost my usual self again. I can sleep as normal now. Mostly, I am back to normal.

I am so grateful.


I managed to speed up my prescription…

After my horrendous night, I knew I could not face another. I sent an email to my doctors practice and then went there on my trolley. Having purpose took my mind off my body. A receptionist told me the prescription would be with the pharmacy later. I y then rang the pharmacy, and yes, they had it.

I tried to phone Martin, a friend who had offered to go for me, but there was no answer. So I set off to get there myself. It was spitting with rain and growing dark. The traffic was building up. I just kept going although a lot of the time I felt afraid.

The pharmacist handed me a small bag. I asked if my key medicine was in it. She said no, it would be done in the morning. I replied that I had only come because they had told me it could be dispensed then. She was very kind and filled the whole prescription.

Coming home was darker and scarier. Where I live is so quiet. Every strange sound made me jump. Every shadow made me aware of how vulnerable I was.

I got home and took my meds. After a while I began to feel the beneficial effect of the meds. I was so relieved.

I again pulled weight on my bed cover. It comforted me. I slept fairly well. Today, I have felt fatigue. My vagus nerve is traumatised. It has been for some time, years.

I am so grateful that Martin phoned just as I had taken my meds. He had come to my house and found me not there.

I am grateful to the woman who was also in the pharmacy. I am grateful to all my friends.

Mostly, I am grateful to God. Without him I would despair. But I wish my spirit would weaken.


A very difficult night…

I forgot to renew my repeat prescription and have managed to find myself without medication for my neurological disease. It is very difficult. My body has been thrashing and writhing. I managed to get three hours of sleep by weighting my cover in bed. It soothes the nervous system and brings relief enough to sleep.

When I awoke, I found myself oddly still with hot pings around my body which must be to do with my damaged nervous system, but I was able to rest a short while longer.

I have been over to a lady with whom I am friendly. My attempts to text her had failed as I had put her phone number in my phone incorrectly. So now I know I am being prayed for. This comforts me. I know that Nick Archer is praying.

I wonder why my spirit is so strong when there has been so much suffering in my life? Why can’t I just give up the will to live? And yet I enjoy my life, apart from the disease.