My breathing is worse…

My breathing is getting worse. Two nights ago, as I laid my head on my pillow, respiratory rate was about 80. That is more than one per second.

It was a little scary. I just wait until it slows. It takes a few minutes. It gradually slows.

A lot of the time I feel I am suffocating. No air in my lungs.


The Malicious Notewriter…

I have quiet about this because I did not want her to know that I knew. Now I am being very open and with the police too.

The malicious note writer accused my neighbours of keeping my mail. I got shouted at by each of them and had an asthma attack each time. I could have died.

The police have been incredibly stupid and led me a merry dance. The stress they caused, well only Jack Windsor, was incredible.

What an empty life this woman has. Sending malicious notes whenever she feels like it. How bored and unfulfilled she must be. She is a drunk. An unpleasant drunk. She can be nice but it seems very superficial. How quick she was to falsely accuse me when she broke her back.

People like her need help. Or to be living in a home for the meaningless lives.

I am still a bit fluey after my booster. It will be fine tomorrow, although my arm may still hurt.

The police know who the malicious note writer is.


A difficult night…

Last night I became a bit unwell after my booster. My arm was painful and I had a mild temp and general flu type symptoms. Thankfully, I began to feel better this morning with paracetamol and lots to drink.

I had weird dreams too. I dreamt my late sister was in the sea and drowned. What on earth is that about? I also had times when I felt that if I slept, I would die.

I have new neighbours yet again. I really hope for an upgrade this time. Please God.


I had my booster…

I had the booster jab today. I feel ok so far after about five hours. I don’t expect to be unwell. It’s all a bit of a farce really, with this Omicron on the rampage. I really don’t know what I think. I would die of Covid whether I am vaccinated or not.

I will be staying in until the numbers go down. There isn’t anywhere to go anyway.


Feeling Flat…

The last couple of days I have felt no inclination to do anything. It must be to do with the lower amount of oxygen to my brain. But there’s also the dark days.

I have slept more than usual. However, I finally got to the hair salon, and I feel better for that.

My breathing seems no different whether I use inhalers or not now. It’s a mystery. I sometimes feel as though I’m suffocating when I’m walking around.


My internet went down…

The storm affected my internet which is weird. I went to the nearest cafe on the quay. It’s also my favourite. As soon as I left my garden my phone started pinging and bleeping as the sheltered housing out there has wifi.

It is so cold. I have kept the phone number in case it happens again. I can’t go out in weather like that again.

I have recovered from last week now, but feel concerned about my health generally.


Continuing to recuperate…

I continue to feel better. Last night I had my first meal. My friend got me some pasta, so I made some carbonara. It felt good to eat.

I am resting a feeling better. I feel almost my usual self again. I can sleep as normal now. Mostly, I am back to normal.

I am so grateful.


I managed to speed up my prescription…

After my horrendous night, I knew I could not face another. I sent an email to my doctors practice and then went there on my trolley. Having purpose took my mind off my body. A receptionist told me the prescription would be with the pharmacy later. I y then rang the pharmacy, and yes, they had it.

I tried to phone Martin, a friend who had offered to go for me, but there was no answer. So I set off to get there myself. It was spitting with rain and growing dark. The traffic was building up. I just kept going although a lot of the time I felt afraid.

The pharmacist handed me a small bag. I asked if my key medicine was in it. She said no, it would be done in the morning. I replied that I had only come because they had told me it could be dispensed then. She was very kind and filled the whole prescription.

Coming home was darker and scarier. Where I live is so quiet. Every strange sound made me jump. Every shadow made me aware of how vulnerable I was.

I got home and took my meds. After a while I began to feel the beneficial effect of the meds. I was so relieved.

I again pulled weight on my bed cover. It comforted me. I slept fairly well. Today, I have felt fatigue. My vagus nerve is traumatised. It has been for some time, years.

I am so grateful that Martin phoned just as I had taken my meds. He had come to my house and found me not there.

I am grateful to the woman who was also in the pharmacy. I am grateful to all my friends.

Mostly, I am grateful to God. Without him I would despair. But I wish my spirit would weaken.


A very difficult night…

I forgot to renew my repeat prescription and have managed to find myself without medication for my neurological disease. It is very difficult. My body has been thrashing and writhing. I managed to get three hours of sleep by weighting my cover in bed. It soothes the nervous system and brings relief enough to sleep.

When I awoke, I found myself oddly still with hot pings around my body which must be to do with my damaged nervous system, but I was able to rest a short while longer.

I have been over to a lady with whom I am friendly. My attempts to text her had failed as I had put her phone number in my phone incorrectly. So now I know I am being prayed for. This comforts me. I know that Nick Archer is praying.

I wonder why my spirit is so strong when there has been so much suffering in my life? Why can’t I just give up the will to live? And yet I enjoy my life, apart from the disease.