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Last night was weird…

Late yesterday afternoon, I decided to take a bath. I was feeling tired mentally and felt it might refresh me.

I felt almost unable to get undressed. That seemed to exhaust me. I enjoyed cleansing my body, though and got rid of the last few cut hairs after my hair appointment. My hair does look great. I take my hat off to my new hairdresser. She is very very good.

Out of the bath, I couldn’t decide what to wear to bed and my breathing was noisy although I felt I was suffocating. I felt like I was barely here. I can’t explain it.

I felt nervous about going to sleep. I felt I would not wake up. Then I stayed up too long and could not sleep. I fell to sleep around 3-4am and was woken by my phone. My friend in Malaysia had got the time difference wrong. It was 5.55am. I managed to drift back to sleep, that half-waking and sleeping which I really love. The radio was on and I enjoyed what I heard.

I have written today and feel like I have done a lot, except I haven’t really apart from enjoying the afternoon.

My breathing remains noisy and very shallow. I had a CT scan on Friday. It went ok.

I felt appreciated today. I’m grateful for that. The light in the afternoon is markedly longer now. Soon the sun will reach the back garden. There are shoots coming up, daffodils, and snowdrops. Such a thrill.

By Chrisssie Morris Brady

I've read poetry since I was nine and have written creatively since I was fourteen (probably long before that). After writing book reviews and social comment, I decided I wanted to write poetry. I have no formal training, but I surround myself with poets and their writing. I am honing my craft.
I have two published collections which I don't feel good about, but have been published by madswirl.com and other publications. I live on the south coast of England with my daughter. I am seriously ill.

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