My Dad

A stream of consciousness

Photo by Limor Zellermayer on Unsplash

Dad, I want to sit on your lap
and rest my face in your neck
as I did as a child, every day
your skin smelt familiar to me
pipe smoke, aftershave, and perspiration,
home to me, when I was so ill
you carried me to bed, and from bed
to the sofa, where I spent the day
My Dad, my body hurts so much
my concerns are a bit too much
my sleep is broken, I need rest, much more
I started calling you ‘My Dad’
when I cared for you so fiercely.
You deserved it and you showed me how
I watched you, and you never told me
Now I am weary as never before
managing a home with sprained ribs
that got bruised all over again
the pain wears my mind down, no relief
except in sleep which is broken
If only I could sit on your lap again
feel your warmth and strength
know your deep love for me, your dry humor
I miss you still so much, you were my north
my compass to find my way in life
I know you are proud of me, love me
I saw you weep for me two times
though you were a man of few words
but your actions spoke louder
you treated everyone the same
from royalty to road sweepers
people always spoke well of you
I want to sit on your lap, face in your neck
you died in my arms far too soon
I’m glad you had a good death
but I miss you and want you still

Published in The Lark