My lucky escape

So I’ve written here how Michael Ebsworth came to move in with me and left because he created a lie in his head. Well, at first it hurt a lot because he told me I’d only wanted a relationship so that I would have a cook, cleaner and nurse. Anyone who knows me realises that is complete tosh. Nonsense. So far from the truth.

Then I realised how lucky I was that he left because my concerns about how much he drinks were confirmed. I told him eleven months ago that he needed to cut back his drinking and quit smoking. He has paid no attention. He spends so much of his time in black out. He doesn’t recall things he’s said or done.

The sweet, gentle, kind hearted man I discovered isn’t there anymore. He’s changed into the state of further along the path of alcoholism, where his need for alcohol supersedes other concerns. He cannot take responsibility for anything, let alone his behaviour. He cannot see that the malicious lies his friends told to their letting agency have irrevocably changed my life here in my home of 14 years. If I had not withdrawn my complaint of sexual assault, none of this would have happened. That is my only mistake. I should have stuck to that. I have paid so dearly in being merciful. He has repaid mercy with selfishness and games. And if he had never visited me last March I would have carried on happily forgetting him. I was not unhappy when his friend found him out. I was a bit sad, as I’d enjoyed his company. But I did not want a man who jumped to heel when commanded.

He must be so lonely in his make believe world. Everyone who ever loved him hates him, including his Dad. I don’t care enough to hate him. I’m just grateful that he isn’t in my life, making me lonely. There is nothing lonelier than being in a relationship with an addict. Even if he had decided to stay, I would have soon asked him to leave.

Because of the lies told to the letting agency who let the house next door, they have no regard for me and won’t ask my current neighbours to move or change the wind chimes. I have started a petition to create a law that ensures that if a householder wants to hang something that makes noise or visual disturbance they must consult their neighbours to ensure no harm or nuisance is caused. This would benefit night shift workers, young mums with toddlers as well as those with illnesses that are detrimentally affected. Anyone can sign it. If you would like to sign it just let me know.

Why men get erectile dysfunction…

Sadly, some men think that erectile dysfunction comes with aging. That is such a lie, developed through men talking to men and not seeking help.

The most common reason that a man fails to achieve an erection is deep unhappiness. I don’t mean depression here. I mean a deep unhappiness in their life for any number of reasons. It could be something that stems from childhood, a miserable relationship, no job satisfaction. An unhappiness they barely recognise because it’s so deep they can’t name it.

The second most common reason is depression. You may think deep unhappiness and depression are the same. They differ in that depression can be treated, but deep unhappiness may never be resolved. For example, I have deep unhappiness that my family decided to live in England. It doesn’t stop me being happy.

Next is depression. The feeing of despair, hopelessness and that nothing can be put right. It takes a while for anyone to realise they are depressed and sadly men are far less likely to get help than women. If they do get help, it is likely that anti-depressants will cause erectile dysfunction.

A third reason for erectile dysfunction, which often is a consequence of the first two, is consuming too much alcohol. Men who drink too much will not have a satisfactory sex life. They will fai to achieve an erection, and be very unsatisfied.

Erectile dysfunction is one of the first signs of consuming to much alcohol. They will initially think there is another reason, or keep believing there is another reason. They wil experience ‘black out’ and not realise it. That is to say, they have no memory of what they were doing. When alcohol consumption reaches this point, we call it alcoholism. Alcoholics often don’t realise they have a problem. They may have a job, make decisions, think they have a good relationship, but they do thing in blackout, that are unacceptable or even criminal, such as sexual assault, speeding, criminal damage,and so on. In this case, erectile dysfunction is the least of their problems but they will fixate on that being their only problem.

A lot ofmenmay encounter temporary erectile dysfunction due to illness or injury. Grief and other emotions can make temporary problem, but it is important not to become anxious about this. Everything will normalise if they are in a loving relationship. It just takes some patience and understanding. There are many ways to be be intimate without an erect penis.

This is by no means a detailed look at this subject, but it is useful overview.

Tired but happy…

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Today I planned to get away for the day on the bus. On my way to get on a bus, I started getting texts from someone I’m friendly with telling me he was being harassed because of a review I wrote about another shop. Yes that’s weird isn’t it? So I tried to delete my review which didn’t delete and in the end I had to mark the shop as ‘no longer there’. I went to speak to security and was given an email address for the person who is responsible for tenancy etc of shops in the mall. I emailed her to raise concerns. Then I set out for the bus again.

Two hours had passed. I was no longer going to have time to get to where I wanted to go. So I went to Bournemouth. I had intended to go to the Square where there are musicians throughout August. However I was distracted by a department store, and mooched around it for a while. I went to the Pleasure Gardens and enjoyed the green grass, plants and trees. I wanted to go as far as the pier, but realised time was against me, so started to go back along the way I came, and then my bus appeared so I got on.

I got towards home and got off the bus early so I could go through the park, it was so beautiful and bought back happy memories of some of my daughter’s birthday parties. There was a cricket match playing, so I watched for a while.

It’s now Tuesday lunch time. I had planned to go out with friends last night, but decided that I was too tired and cried off. I had a fairly relaxing evening. I drank some rum with juice to alleviate pain in my neck which becomes almost intolerable. For quite a few years now I have used alcohol as a supplement to painkillers. I don’t recommend this, as it is very easy to become alcohol dependent. I am always just as happy to not drink alcohol as I am to enjoy it. I am not dependent and know the type of pain that conventional medicine doesn’t touch. I prefer natural painkillers like good sex, massage, hemp, and an alcoholic drink. Heat is very good too for back and neck pain.