Breath…

When we feel anxious or worried, the best way to become present in the now is to focus on your breath.

Doing this centres your mind and brings you to here and now. It is meditation.

I find when things don’t behave as they should I get a moment of panic. Like someone bolting my gate instead of leaving it latched. Theses are times that I need to focus on my breath.

The secret is to inhale through your nose until your tummy lifts. Hold it for as many seconds as you can, no more than 4. Then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this 5 times.

You will feel calmer. You will feel relaxed.Try to do this 5 times a day.

It helps us to be our best self – efficacious, in charge of ourselves, and living in the now. We only have now.This moment is everything. Don’t waste it.

When we are our best self, we are of use to others. We are connected, not only with ourselves, but with those around us.

It is the fourth anniversary of my Dad’s death, He died in my arms. Last year and the year before, I wept. The first anniversary, I was still numb. This year was a little easier, so I reached out to a friend who lost both parents within five months. They were both in their nineties. Old age doesn’t make death easier to bear.

When it is worse than I thought…

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I think I left my last blog feeling depressed and describing the side effects of the medicine that has kept my breathing easy and without symptoms.

So my tummy pains increased and my mood was strange and I became tearful. A friend took me to her house down the road for an hour and we had a cup of tea and a chat, I began to feel more in charge of myself so I came home to bed.

I got little sleep, one of the side effects of my magic medicine, and woke still with an uncomfortable tummy, but feeling somewhat better. I ventured out to get some snacks but had to borrow some money from a friend as I could not find my purse. This made me scared as I knew the last time I’d got my purse (wallet) out, it was in my bedroom to put a stamp on a letter. I grew more scared as the day went on, but finally found it behind my laptop screen.

I have heard a little wheezing but not enough to need my inhaler yet. But I now carry it around with me around the house in a bag with my mobile phone. So I back to managing my day. Staying calm.

I’ve actually been calm for a long time now. Just one outburst of hurt and betrayal when I got a malicious text from DW and Mike blocked me on Instagram, before we began our relationship.

I still live with the consequences of her crimes and anti social behaviour.

So my doctor will make a home visit on Monday morning. I am so grateful for him. And I’m so tremendously grateful for this glorious evening and my view over the harbour.

A happy morning, after anxiety…

Having needed to be nebulised yesterday, I did not get a lot of sleep as I was so wired. Strung out as those who use drugs for recreational purposes might say.

Sam came, she is helping me finish the reducing, recycling and repurposing that I started with such gusto in January. I really impressed myself. My bed is pulled away from the wall, so I’m having to reach back for my drinks, lamp etc, but I’m just so happy to see progress that it doesn’t bother me at all. I’m so grateful for Sam, she is a treasure found unexpectedly, serendipity, and I love her to bits. She accommodates my sudden request to put moisturising lotion on my legs and arms, she will quickly fill my water bottle for me, and move this to there and that to here.

This enabled me to fill the bird feeder before I went for some groceries. I came home to find the garden filled with birds. I’m thrilled.

I have realised I cannot make my neighbours who have caused so much nuisance by fixing their gates open, by means of criminal damage, go away, and in order to keep my breathing going well I must simply tune them out. My chest got tight in the garden yesterday but improved as I went toward the doctor’s and so I returned home to finish my planting only to get tight again because of the noise suddenly coming from the neighbours’ garden. I cannot let this affect my health. I need to make myself oblivious to them and remain calm if their gates impinge on my freedom to use my own.

Any ideas on how to do this? Input please… I’ve always been aware of my surroundings . I’m not someone who lives in their little own world…so ideas please.