Last night I became a bit unwell after my booster. My arm was painful and I had a mild temp and general flu type symptoms. Thankfully, I began to feel better this morning with paracetamol and lots to drink.
I had weird dreams too. I dreamt my late sister was in the sea and drowned. What on earth is that about? I also had times when I felt that if I slept, I would die.
I have new neighbours yet again. I really hope for an upgrade this time. Please God.
A shard of memory from dreams
forgotten in the whole
no context for the image left with me
just one fragment of a dream
I see it still, in hazy mind picture
you were embracing me,
your head beside mine, my hand your hair
you wept in this haze of dream
So sorry were you for hurting me
no tongue to voice apology
tears wetting my face, I held your head
hoping it was real, not a dream
When you grow weary of deceiving
pulling the wool over her eyes
there is a room for you here with me
we can take it from there, no dream
Published by The Poetry Bar
I’ve been feeling so unhappy since the autumn arrived with colder temperatures and so much rain. I really enjoyed what I wore during the summer and felt good inside. I liked me.
Since the weather changed I’ve felt so ordinary and with the grinding away at my health of the wind chimes, I’ve begun to feel unhappy. Of course, having a man you thought you loved walk out because he jumped to conclusions doesn’t help, but I’ve seen how incredibly selfish he is and what a drink he is.
On the night of the equinox, I had a wonderful dream: my garden was full of birds again and flowers and trees were growing every where. I was feeling full of anticipation. I have wondered where this dream had come from. Certainly, I had not been full of hope as I had just been disappointed. My laptop had been broken by Ebsworth, and the wind chime is still tinkling away, grating on my brain and nervous system.
Nothing was different, the dream came from somewhere in my subconscious. I am an optimist deep down, even when I lie staring at the wall filled with grief and depression for all the family I’ve lost in the last two and a half years, my dog, my friends. All the friends that I got on with most of all, that ‘click’ when you fit together, have died. I can’t express my loss. I feel it deeply.
I’ve been told my last blog post was angry. I wrote it in a particular tone because I know someone reads my blog and I wanted to be clear. I am rarely angry. Although I have to admit that the wind chimes cause me irritation like few things ever have. Pain has that effect. I am in pain all the time, those wind chimes just don’t quit.
My left arm and leg are filled with pain. My leg at times will not bear my weight so walking becomes a stumble. I have lost some weight because of the spasms, so I’m trying to eat a lot of carbohydrates.
Thankfully, I sleep well most nights. I’m so grateful for this. It’s much needed respite.
Writer and psychologist. My health, a journey with two life shortening diseases 
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