X-Ray appointment…

So I have am X-ray appointment in August. They wanted it to be in the next town, but I gave out a little bleat so it’s at my local hospital after all. This is for my hip. Typically, it’s been better since, but an x ray will show if any thing is wrong.

I’ve struggled a bit today with the attitude of an editor. Then I just decided to let go and not worry or care. I am not responsible for his attitude. Once I decided this, I felt the freedom to write a piece and it flowed well.

I found an image today. Here it is:

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This is a baby a twelve weeks gestation. I lost a baby just before that. When I saw this all the grief I feel welled up and overtook me. I was so ill when or after it happened and the father behaved, well, as though it never happened.

I named the lost soul John Michael. He was conceived in happiness.

So I tossed some of my roast tomatoes in Singapore rice noodles and a pinch of sea salt with chilli and drizzled some oil. It was great, and some German white wine and then went to meet a friend.

I am finishing my wine now. Feeling a little sad.

The danger of believing one side… and how to survive Covid19…

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I am so grateful for the friends I have in my life. Some for all my life. They are all different. They all bring out the best in me, and all would say the same things of me.

Generous, kind, loyal, trusted, fun, funny, spontaneous, won’t gossip, discreet, patient, wise, knowledgeable.

The last thing my friends need to know about me is that I have a Ph.D. It does not define me.

Those I have had difficulty with, such as Key Living, my former neighbours, and Michael E. are because of unprofessional behaviour, gossip, and alcoholism. Those are nothing to do with me.

The editor that has harassed me for months became more vicious when I messaged his blog to ask to stop. I had to give an email address and I was not going to my own. I had already told him that. So I asked various of my friends and selected one from a professor friend who was interested seeing the replies.

That editor now thinks I have used different identities, even though the name is easily found on the web. But it fuels his persecution complex. Which sits alongside his narcissitic tendency. He’s rather like Trump.

So he has published a reply from Callum Brown. Reporting it to be from me. What a fool, because he has broken all the rules of medium.com and made a fool of himself.

He styles himself as Dr but he only has a BSc. And the institution where he claims to have gained L3 in architecture has no record of him.

A friend of mine in Malaysia has written extensively about Covid 19. Here are some facts you need to know about a corona virus:

SARS survivors are also more likely to develop neuropsychiatric disorders at 31–50 months post-infection, compared to the non-infected. The data shows that 54.5% of SARS survivors had PTSD, 39% had depression, 36.4% had pain disorder; 32.5% had panic disorder, and 15.6% had obsessive-compulsive disorder.Whereas the prevalence of these disorders was only 3% before the SARS epidemic.

To survive Covid19, you need to eat high protein, fats such as legumes and meat, and as few carbs as you can. Carbs feed foreign bacteria and free radicals, so they compromise the immune system.

Feeling fulfilled and other blessings…

Receiving my copies of One Hundred Memories yesterday was a completion of a long process, and I have come to know and love the editor very much. Her services to poetry are tremendous and I admire her greatly.

I read my poem a tear came to me. For no longer being a child, for all those things Dad did for us that I took for granted. For losing my Dad twice, once to Alzheimer’s and then to death. Although the Alzheimer’s helped me rediscover my Dad, as he forgot the chains my mother had wrapped around him over many years.

I am so grateful that my Dad died in my arms. My friends have found this hard. To me it was the most natural thing in the world. I cannot tell you how much I loved my Dad. He was always there for me, always calm. While my mother got hysterical and self centred, my Dad remained peaceful and strong. When my head had two openings, he never flinched, though he teared up. And while I was recovering, with akinetic mutism, he carried me.

Now that my sister has also died, it is likely that I will die alone. I do not have a partner, I have not wanted one for fifteen years when a long term relationship failed. I remember saying to someone last year that I don’t want involvement with a man, and then one crashed into my bedroom.

In all truth, it is better to be alone than to be in a relationship in which you have to pretend, lie, or not be your truly authentic self.

Never make do. I say this to all young people. Don’t settle for hamburger, when you can have steak.

Make sure you are on the same page about almost everything.

Today, a fellow blogger said I had given them inspiration. That’s humbling and reason for much gratitude. I feel such joy that they are inspiring others. That is why I stated this blog.