A fairly good day…

I woke this morning feeling snuggly and cosy. I value this time as I am pain free, and I extend it whenever I can. I could have rested longer, after all, it’s the weekend. For some reason, I got up and checked emails.

Apart from a couple of personal ones, there was a notification that a certain courier would deliver a parcel. I still habitually become sceptical because that courier didn’t deliver to me for nine years. I have received a few recently, but thought the regular person was unwell or on holiday.

I did try to go back to bed, but the moment was gone.

My friend down the road phoned to say she had left something she had done for me on my front door step and was in a hurry in order not to be late for work. I went down to get it, popped it in the kitchen, and came upstairs to write. Naturally, within ten minutes, the courier arrived. He is very pleasant and smiley, unlike his predecessor.

However the two trips downstairs and back up had tired me. I was slightly wheezy and needed to use my inhaler.

A while later, I started to make a cake, It’s an easy recipe as it’s a ‘batter’ type mix so less effort than regular cake. As I put it into the oven, it struck me that I had left out the liquid. Oh, the frustration! I adapted the temperature and baking time, and the cake is now in a cake tin. It did not ‘spread’ in the oven due to the wrong consistency. I will find out how it is to eat in the next few days.

I felt exhausted by that, and was supposed to find out my bus times for tomorrow and let a friend know what time I will arrive tomorrow, but decided to shower and wash my hair right then, so all my tiredness would be at one time. This worked, as all tasks were now done. I could rest and write, read and anything else relaxing.

I was supposed to meet friend tonight for a drink, but she had flu at the beginning of January and has trouble shaking it off. She has chronic fatigue syndrome and I understand completely.

Tomorrow, I am going to a poetry event in the next county. I shall take the bus to my friends, leave my trolley there, and go on in their car. I am looking forward to it.

I forgot to mention hemp oil yesterday. It is excellent for maintaining every ‘system’ in the body. Respiratory system, cardiac system, digestive tract, all other organs, and it promotes good sleep.

Additionally, if you are vegan, please eat seaweed regularly. It has a mineral that should not be taken as a supplement. Supplements are of little value. Get everything you need from your diet.

When I remember the name of the mineral, I will tell you what it is.


Mid December…

Yesterday the pain in my shoulder was really bad, so I contacted a friend and told him I wouldn’t be able to go with him to an event today. Then last night, I felt so much better I arranged to go again. This morning I woke, did some stuff and then contacted David again to say I wouldn’t be coming after all. I feel rubbish. The irritation on my face has broken out again. I can’t explain how low it makes me feel.

I always do feel blue in the weeks before Christmas, except for when my daughter was younger. I watch the sun rise and set in the same place, and the knowledge that the days will soon start getting longer comforts me.

This time last year, I was grief stricken after the death of my sister, and then my dog. And I was involved with man who would turn out to be the cause of so many negative things in my life. This year, 2019, has been an awful year on the whole.

So I haven’t done anything I had planned this weekend. I had wanted to get German food for Christmas – cakes and biscuits. Traditional at this time of year. I haven’t spoken to anyone except on the phone.

I don’t know if I will post a blog again this year. I just want to spend time with my daughter and friends, my chosen family.


I had wanted to write about my ex husband. I don’t want to name him for lots of reasons, but mainly because he has remained single and when I see him looks unkempt.

We married for love, we really did love each other a great deal. Things started to go wrong when I was expecting my daughter. He changed completely. Once he deliberately knocked me to the floor. Thankfully, I landed on my back so Lara was not harmed. Another time, he was cross with me and pushed me onto our bed and started bouncing me up and down. I was terrified.

After our baby was born, he believed everyone’s opinion about babies except mine. And my friends began noticing how he undermined me and my maternal instincts. By the time my daughter was two, I had to divorce him. I did not want my daughter with unhappy parents.