It hasn’t been easy today…

I’ve been falling a lot. My swollen thigh causes my other hip to be strained and my leg gives way. I fall. Usually on carpet, but my dining room has floorboards, and the kitchen is tiled.

I am nervous of cooking as I don’t know when I will fall. I haven’t eaten properly for 3 days.

My daughter is angry with me. I’m not certain why.

On Friday evening I remembered a school friend, and then I remembered my friends asking me about marks on my neck which were very identifiable. I told lies to hide the shame of the one who put them there.

My mother put them there. She sexually abused me. I remember wriggling, crying and yelling and she laughed.

It was her imputed shame I felt.

I am okay. I am coming to terms with this.