It has been difficult…

The last ten weeks have been very difficult. I sprained my ribs which was very painful indeed. I saw a great locum GP and due to my neurological disease needed a follow up. I was given an appointment with the same locum but he was unwell. I saw another GP who swept aside my concerns about my neurological disease and so an appointment was wasted.

Now, things are really bad and getting an appointment is seemingly impossible. I even phoned the neurology department at the hospital to try to get an appointment. They said they would write to me. So I feel despondent still.

My homehelp does not start until next week. Today, my mobility scooter battery went flat. I feel overwhelmed by it all.

I also discovered that I has £20 notes in my purse. I know they are no longer issued and think they are no longer legal tender. But a man changed them for £10 notes and I am feeling bad about that.

I am at peace at night, except I remember everything I forgot during the day. It sometimes makes me go to my laptop but then I forget again.

Somewhat low…

Since I came back from Southampton, I feel subdued. A bit sad. To go all that way for such a tiny reason has disappointed me so much.

I keep being asked if I fall asleep. No, I don’t because of my neurological disease. It seems that consultants find it hard to look past their specialism.

A friend came over, and we sat by the birch tree. Birds were to and fro. Quite bold.

It was pleasant, but after she left I knew I needed to get some food in the house. But I watered the garden instead.

I don’t fall asleep but my spelling is now rubbish, I forget my next sentence, and I type the same word twice. I catch all of these (I think), but am frightened by it.

I have done very little today. I don’t really want to do anything. I want to sleep and never stop.

A fairly good day…

I woke this morning feeling snuggly and cosy. I value this time as I am pain free, and I extend it whenever I can. I could have rested longer, after all, it’s the weekend. For some reason, I got up and checked emails.

Apart from a couple of personal ones, there was a notification that a certain courier would deliver a parcel. I still habitually become sceptical because that courier didn’t deliver to me for nine years. I have received a few recently, but thought the regular person was unwell or on holiday.

I did try to go back to bed, but the moment was gone.

My friend down the road phoned to say she had left something she had done for me on my front door step and was in a hurry in order not to be late for work. I went down to get it, popped it in the kitchen, and came upstairs to write. Naturally, within ten minutes, the courier arrived. He is very pleasant and smiley, unlike his predecessor.

However the two trips downstairs and back up had tired me. I was slightly wheezy and needed to use my inhaler.

A while later, I started to make a cake, It’s an easy recipe as it’s a ‘batter’ type mix so less effort than regular cake. As I put it into the oven, it struck me that I had left out the liquid. Oh, the frustration! I adapted the temperature and baking time, and the cake is now in a cake tin. It did not ‘spread’ in the oven due to the wrong consistency. I will find out how it is to eat in the next few days.

I felt exhausted by that, and was supposed to find out my bus times for tomorrow and let a friend know what time I will arrive tomorrow, but decided to shower and wash my hair right then, so all my tiredness would be at one time. This worked, as all tasks were now done. I could rest and write, read and anything else relaxing.

I was supposed to meet friend tonight for a drink, but she had flu at the beginning of January and has trouble shaking it off. She has chronic fatigue syndrome and I understand completely.

Tomorrow, I am going to a poetry event in the next county. I shall take the bus to my friends, leave my trolley there, and go on in their car. I am looking forward to it.

I forgot to mention hemp oil yesterday. It is excellent for maintaining every ‘system’ in the body. Respiratory system, cardiac system, digestive tract, all other organs, and it promotes good sleep.

Additionally, if you are vegan, please eat seaweed regularly. It has a mineral that should not be taken as a supplement. Supplements are of little value. Get everything you need from your diet.

When I remember the name of the mineral, I will tell you what it is.

Another hill…

I am finding that the dehydration caused by one of the medicines I take for my breathing is very difficult to cope with. I once forgot my bottle of fluids that I take around with me, and my friend had to stop at a garage to buy me some juice. My mouth had become so dry that my words were slurring. My tongue was sticking to the sides and roof of my mouth.

Once I have a drink to hand, I am fine. I can do readings of my poetry with no problem except overcoming my shyness. It means I have to make sure that I always have a drink wherever I am, whether writing, reading, or traveling. It’s not a major thing unless I forget.

Forgetting is something I do a lot. It is becoming a nuisance. It is again due my medication. I forget to post letters, get shopping, do something nice for myself, even wash my hair. I seem to wake in the morning having completely forgotten things I had planned the evening before. And notes don’t work for me. I have written myself notes and forgotten to read them.