Guest Post

Transmuting Thought from Pain to Tranquility We are Free

Watering our Garden of Compassion

By Joseph Lieungh

Photo by Chase Yi on Unsplash

Fall from atop the maple trees, wind in sails knocking out every breath, helplessly looking up at another broken sky. Floodgates watering spouts, nourishing life’s pain inflicted upon self-squirrelly forgotten playful songs.

Planted seeds of hope and tranquility growing between the stranglehold of weeded thoughts, battle of the gardener’s fever-toil in fertile grounds of possibility. Plucked one — a thousand more suffocating vines of death amidst the Great Mystery, laying them out as not to be forgotten, there for all to see upon the sleeves.

Uncle Bill, childhood friend’s gone-too-soon, the brick wall’s barricading life from seeing the light of day, smack of a Mack truck eighteen-wheeler running over our dreams and aspirations. Bare witness to the all, good, bad, and the ugly truth, survived yet another barrage and carnage of soul’s fleeting energy.

Enter the self, sacred space reserved for one, puffing on smoky Joe’s mysterious Cosmic Dance with alpha and omega — present in all the disfiguring faces foretold by the beholder of creative power handed down by the poets before. Breathe in quenching thirst, squelching forbidden memories whilst watering the hole in our heart.

Outwardly vines, vibrational pull, filling space for a new episode of life’s Great Mysteries. Open arms, reaching to heaven’s breath, magnetic polls attracting more of our greatest desires, all the while remembering the steps bringing into a present tense.

The golden globe is rising in the East, the daily promise of tomorrow’s bountiful cornucopia of reality spent in the present visionary animation that is true to self and collective well-being. Filling cup, watering canister in hand, a cleansing spirit of future generations, spreading love’s true home on pasture’s undertow of soul-filled strength and nonce within unconditional.

Henceforth, forever shall it be, wind-filled breathtaking songs flowing through the physical. Carrying sans fear-ridden hold of past and future’s untold stories, intoning planetary natural aligning thoughts, painting a brighter future, lighter and freer than the day before.

~Ani Po

More on my Odyssey…

The title of this post harks back to the beginning of my blog when I decided to share my journey with a new diagnosis, on top of the one I already had. I have used it today because I am dealing with symptoms. (I used to blog once every 4-6 weeks, because I found the honesty so hard. It took me three years to engage with other bloggers, and write more frequently. And to share some overviews of topics on which I have knowledge.

Recently, I shared the real reason someone’s father won’t speak to them. I didn’t want to give away that I had been told. This person said he didn’t fully agree, but that I had given the something to think about. Later, they had the cheek to tell me they don’t think I am a psychologist.

I am still suffering pain and muscular spasms due to the onslaught of a young girl whose sense of self-importance is higher than it should be. I think she thought it was ok to do so because I wouldn’t see her again. This is never an excuse to be rude or intimidating . You don’t know what battles a person is facing. Or the nature of any disease they may have.

As far as I have researched, my disease acts on my sympathetic nervous system. This is what causes one to blush, hiccup, and react to noises that cause flight or fight, releases breast milk, and tells one what their baby needs. Sometimes the sympathetic nervous system can cause an M.I during sleep – a friend of mine had two.

So, all that adrenalin that flooded my system on Sunday evening is still affecting my sympathetic nervous system. My left arm and leg, and the left of my back, have been spasming. It is intensely painful. The good news is that I slept well last night, so was better able to cope with it. I have notified my doctor but have the means to cope with it medicinally.

I am now considerably better, after taking medicine. I did not want to take it earlier in case I got very drowsy and slept at the wrong time.

Ideally, I would have been given morphine. That would have been a great solution but with costly events to me personally. I would have had to be taken to the Emergency Department, which causes my disease to worsen, and the journey home would be difficult.

I heard this morning that research on Motor Neurone disease has progressed. There has been no research on the disease I have. I have it in it’s worst strain, the strain that only Ashkenazy Jews get. Other caucasions get it in a localised area, black men get it in their calves and black women never get it. I don’t know about other races.

I don’t feel angry at the girl who intimidated me. I have feelings toward the company she works for. Fortunately, I have changed the help I get at home. It gives me more freedom, independence and saves a lot of money.

It is now over a year since Mr Ebsworth appeared in my bedroom at 3 am. He molested me once I got him downstairs, although I was offended I did not clock it as sexual assault until later. It seems so long ago, I was so vulnerable after two bereavements. It also seems recent as I still get harassment from the person with whom he shares an address.

My Auntie died a year ago today.