My friend Jordi is living in Poole. I am so happy about this. And he’s only a 5 minute walk away. However, he was in a head-on crash on his motor bike. He has bad concussion, a broken nose and other injuries on his right leg and foot.
I caught up with him yesterday. The bruising is still coming out. He is still in shock. I gave him so things for his flat, above a pub.
This has made me happy. I sort of adopted him. We are family.
Today is difficult for breathing. Last night I felt I would suffocate twice. This morning I sounded wheezy but it has gone.
I am in pain on the side of my back. It’s difficult to explain. I have a wound that weeps. It has never hurt like this before.
I am glad I have the support of the hospice. It comforts me.
Frank is a buddy of mine who lives in the ‘burb where I lived in California, just north of L.A. He has written poetry that is so beautiful. He has books out Touched by an Anglo, Different, and others. He is so generous that he mailed them all to me here in the UK. He has encouraged my writing, and listened to some of my audio on SoundCloud. He remarked that his poetry should be read with an English accent. I love him to bits.
Last night I got no sleep at all. I may have dozed at around midnight.
I am very grateful that my friend Judy helped me sellotape a package and took it to the post office for me. I had ordered a replacement laptop, which turned out to be cheap rubbish, and half of the charger was missing. A substitute was sent, but that didn’t fit. So I sent it back. I have my eye on a better one. I am so grateful to my daughter for lending me this. I just discovered it detects that I’m typing in German and automatically uses the letters that English doesn’t have. Neat. Maybe if my friend in Dubai tells me more secrets, I’ll stick with this.
I have been chewing the fat with a close friend in Virginia about how to tell someone some news. I’ve know him since I was twenty. And his wife. It’s hard to chew the fat on WhatsApp. With a five hour time difference. I’ve kind of spilled out while he was sleeping. I know he’ll not be mad at me. The worst is that he’ll be firm.
And I’ve accidentally hurt someone I employ but esteem highly. I can never get over it. The unintended consequence is too much too bear. I can’t undo it.
So I’ve not had the best weekend at all. I feel wretched physically and in my soul.
To love mercy, To do justice, and walk humbly before my God
Yesterday evening, I went to the home of a friend for dinner. It was really pleasant. It felt so good to venture out across the harbour, the sky was clear and the stars were bright.
My friend gets up very early and then finds the early dark nights cause him to start drinking. This worries me as it is becoming his habit. A dangerous habit. If he were to get up a bit later and readjust his schedule, he would not feel that void. It’s a long evening of drinking when one starts at 4.30pm.
Coming back this morning was stormy. Wind and rain. Very few people around. It seems calmer now.
It is so good to be feeling well again. It was such a long time – or so it seemed. I still take one steroid tablet and must ask when it would be advisable to stop. I don’t want to be dependent on them.
I took a photo on the bridge yesterday. Not the best one I’ve ever taken, but it’s a reminder of being better and out.
(I stay in my friend’s spare room. It actually is spare and I sleep alone.)
Someone arranged to meet me today. I spent a while thinking about cancelling. Then I realised it would do me the world of good to get out in the sunshine, and I could get groceries afterwards.
We outside in the sunshine. It was so mild. We talked for ages. Then we parted company and I went to the market.
I felt good when I got home. My friend has plans for meeting again. I need this so much. Many of my friends are too afraid of the pandemic to go anywhere, which frustrates me.
I have been writing. I feel quite happy with my life. I may have someone staying here for a short while as they need to sort some issues out. If this happens, I shall enjoy it.
The autumn sun is good on my skin, even though less of it is exposed.
I picked all the unripened figs from the tree. I looked up what to do about them. When I came home, I found more flowers in bloom in the garden. I am pleased.
So, following on from yesterday’s post, I’ve had a fairly good day.
I bumped into a former neighbour, we were so pleased to see each other. He used to come to the door in the evening to ask me to put milk in his cup of tea. I would give him a jug of milk so he could have breakfast. We played catch across the garden in between each of ours, he tuned in my TV and took my daughter to the beach. He will visit soon.
So, an emoji was left by Michael Ebsworth on one of my poems. I could have left it there for him to see his name. I was shocked. He’s so private, but now I have his apple ID and his IP address. It hurt. I do and don’t want to hear from him. I do not want to be toyed with.
I found a graze on my shin yesterday which is mysterious but obviously due to my fall on Wednesday evening. Today there is a mild bruise…
I did wake during Wednesday night and hurt in a few places but it was all gone in the morning.
More of my tomatoes are turning colour now. From orange to almost red. It’s really satisfying. I need to pick my strawberries. They will be sweet and juicy.
You know, the other neighbouring house is also a let. I have never had a problem with them. It’s owned by an acquaintance of mine who owns a well known restaurant on the Quay. He is considerate and kind. While his friend was renovating it, I was asked if there was too much much noise. And I was shown progress as it became a lovely home.
He cares about community and the neighbourhood. That makes all the difference. The other side could not care less. And that is where they fail.
I bumped into a friend today. We chatted and then he kissed my cheek. I was touched.
I have cannibalised two watches. For ages I have wanted a purple watch face with a chrome bracelet. I have hunted every where. Finally I bought a purple watch that had a purple strap and had a chrome bracelet put on it. And so I have it! And it is unique.
I awoke with a headache at 5.30 am. This is not usual, so I dozed. The headache did not go so I had to cancel with a friend. This was a bit of a blow as I haven’t seen her for ages. I rested and drank plenty and began to feel better by lunch time.
My cleaner has had to swap to tomorrow as he had a job he needed to finish. It’s made me feel oddly discombobulated. With lockdown Mondays have been my only fixed point in the week. Zoom meetings are fortnightly with others that I choose to join dotted in between.
I have already watered the garden. It was a bit early, but it has not been hot and we have had rain. I have more strawberries on the way, but am sad to see the rose for my sister bruised by the rain. My tomato plants are hanging in there until Pete can help me tomorrow. They need stronger stakes.
This morning I kept jumping when the builders started. I did feel very fragile at the time.
I took a watch bracelet to have a purple watch face put on it. I had discussed it before lockdown, but as I started shielding on the 6 March this was my first chance to take it in. The mall seems more scary now than before the pandemic. It seems half lit and there are arrows everywhere which people seem to ignore.
I do still feel a bit not quite myself though. I have drunk plenty and eaten fairly well. I’ve lost a little bit of weight in the last two weeks as my watch is a bit loose. I shall treat myself to something tomorrow. Maybe two things and maybe bake a cake.
I wonder if M has rearranged his flat? It can’t be nice to have one’s home on public display especially as some of it belongs to H jointly. It’s hard to believe some of what he has done.
I thought of my Dad so much yesterday. I used to take him out and give him a present. Often something he needed but the colours he liked. Or a natural history book – birds, or trees. I can’t believe there are people who throw away their Dad for an alcoholic.
I’m looking forward to bed tonight. I want to sleep away this fragile feeling.
I woke very early this morning. It was still stormy so I went back to sleep and then luxuriated in my lovely bed reading.
Last night, when I went to finish painting the gate, I found that the paint tin was empty save for dregs and rainwater. I sloshed some on, knowing it would not give a layer but every little helps. Today I can see where it went, and will apply more.
I am waiting for a wooden swing seat. I think I will paint that the same colour to protect it from the weather. I may wait until it arrives before I finish the gates.
My tomato plants were again drooping because of the wind and rain. I have trimmed a lot of leaves away to make them less top heavy. Tomorrow Pete will be here to help me secure them to a broom handle which will be more substantial. All the tomatoes are there just getting riper.
Today I went to the health food store. It is never full at any one time. I went to pay and my debit card was declined. What? I looked at it and realised that it was my old one. But I had cut it up! No, it seemed I had cut my new card…
The young woman is really friendly, and I paid for what I could with cash. That I had my NHS discount helped. We laughed about my absent mindedness, she kept the rest for me, and I came home feeling dismayed at the inconvenience.
I started writing and wanted my scissors. Looking around for them, I spotted my new, cut in two card lying beside my waste paper basket.
I went back to the shop, and we tried my cut up card as contactless. No good. The young woman suggested I inserted the half that goes in the whatsit. It worked!
So I have some cash, my goods, and had a giggle and also saw a friend which was great.
The day has been breezy, but now there is blue sky everywhere.
I am pleased that one of my poems Walthamstow is included in an anthology. I will update when I can. Half of the profits will go to NHS charities and half to BLM. This is a plus.
It’s been an odd day. I slept a bit long..as I have every morning since sleep came my way. I looked at all my notifications, emails, etc.
A friend sent me a text inviting me for a cup of tea. She is only round the corner. She’s been sorting stuff out in her flat, and yesterday I urged her to clear up the mess before it gets her mood low.
It was just as bad, and I find it hard to feel at peace sitting in a mess. Her feet are much worse than yesterday. More swollen and the skin darker. I’m trying to persuade her to raise her feet. She does it for 5 minutes and starts doing things again.
I left within an hour. I need to write her information to tell her doctor. She told me very spontaneously that I’m so lovely.
This afternoon I’ve been writing. But not really in a relaxed way. I published something to a wrong publication. I republished it to the correct one, and then my phone rang and when I went to delete the erroneously published one, somene had responded to it and deleted it from the correct publication.
Oh, the frustration!!!
So it rained in the night which is great for the garden, but it’s been slightly muggy which affects my breathing.
Other than that I’m ok. A lady named Ginny over the road knocked to say that a parcel was outside my front door. She is very kind.
I am no longer exhausted from the respiratory tests I had done. I do feel like I did 100 tummy crunches though. There’s a mild ache in my diaphragm area.
I’ve been supporting some friends of mine who are about to have a baby. She started labour on Friday evening, and progression has been painfully slow. She is exhausted from contractions which are very mild and too far apart. They have visited the Maternity Unit daily since Friday to get pain relief but it doesn’t last for long. I am hoping she will be induced tomorrow, otherwise she will be too exhausted for labour.
My daughter crept into my house this morning and left toilet tissue on the landing. I was so disappointed that she hadn’t let me know she was here as the sleep breathing test I did needs to be returned before 5pm tomorrow. I messaged her and she said she would pick it up. Except she didn’t.
I have had to ask a friend to take it for me. I am devastated. I cannot rely on my own daughter.
Writer and psychologist. My health, a journey with two life shortening diseases 
You must be logged in to post a comment.