Feeling awful…

Yesterday,, paramedics came out as I was wheezing so badly. They nebulized me, which gave some improvement, but wanted to take me to hospital. They agreed that the risk of catching worse bugs there was too high.

I was shaking so much with the effect of the nebuliser. I could see my hands trembling and I had tachycardia. I went to bed at 7.30 or so and amazingly I slept well.

I had been meant to see friends yesterday, which we put of until today but I have cancelled as I feel so weak.

I will sip some wine and go to bed soon. I hope my rest will be as good tonight.

My daughter is working in Oxford for another five months. I don’t want to worry her.

It’s been good to have contact with her though, and many of my friends.

Feeling great…

Yesterday evening flew by and so I am writing a post now. I still feel great.

I made coffee and then I went out along the sea but it reminds me too much of my dog, so I went the other way and had a chat with the marine police.

I had maybe my last fig. It was really good. More may ripen. We shall see. The tomatoes continue to be incredibly good. So do the strawberries.

I am so grateful for my garden. And my friends.

Praying for rain…

There’s a heavy rain cloud overhead, I hope it will pour down for my garden. And for my breathing.

I feel tired again. Inflammation makes one tired in order to make a person rest so that they recover. My ankle has been very inflamed and still has a little way to go.

I just left a zoom meeting. It didn’t seem to flow well and some feel predisposed to talk when it’s someone’s turn to speak.

I am still taking painkillers for my ankle and the bruising to my back. That is better but I still get twinges in my ribs.

I had a friend for cold drinks in my garden. It was so pleasant but I really find it hard to trust anyone these days. So many people are untrustworthy and unreliable.

I am grateful for the friends I have.

Rain and hip pain but still OK…

It’s been an odd day, but productive. I did waken until noon, so I had fourteen hours sleep and I feel better for it.

A friend sent a text to say she was going to a store and I thought that she keeps doing far too much.

I was writing and making my dinner. My cell phone rang and a man said ”Is this Chrissie?”

I said I was and he told my friend had collapsed. Since I was her most frequently contacted name on her phone he called me. I told him her daughter’s name but he couldn’t find her number so I gave the name of her brother.

Then I dashed up to see if I could reassure my friend. The paramedic was about to close the ambulance door but I asked him to tell her I had come. it’s reassuring when you know someone gives a damn.

I came home. It was raining and I got plenty of strange looks as I was not dressed for rain. But I care more about my friends than I do about getting wet.

At 9pm she said she was home and had no milk. I put some milk in a jug and took it to her.

She didn’t look good but who does after that? Ordinarily she would have stayed in hospital overnight, but at this time it is a risk.

I had a brief chat with the guy who took my call at switch. They are undervalued and not thought of. He appreciated my thanks as they always do.

The rain! Great for my garden. Great for keeping people who gather in groups at home.

I’m so grateful for my garden. My friends and the local hospital. My daughter was fabulous while I was ill last week and has brought shopping again.

I am bucking the trend. I am drinking less alcohol since lockdown and not over eating. I am content with my very local friends, but I do miss the ones further afield who I see regularly.

The danger of believing one side… and how to survive Covid19…

I am so grateful for the friends I have in my life. Some for all my life. They are all different. They all bring out the best in me, and all would say the same things of me.

Generous, kind, loyal, trusted, fun, funny, spontaneous, won’t gossip, discreet, patient, wise, knowledgeable.

The last thing my friends need to know about me is that I have a Ph.D. It does not define me.

Those I have had difficulty with, such as Key Living, my former neighbours, and Michael E. are because of unprofessional behaviour, gossip, and alcoholism. Those are nothing to do with me.

The editor that has harassed me for months became more vicious when I messaged his blog to ask to stop. I had to give an email address and I was not going to my own. I had already told him that. So I asked various of my friends and selected one from a professor friend who was interested seeing the replies.

That editor now thinks I have used different identities, even though the name is easily found on the web. But it fuels his persecution complex. Which sits alongside his narcissitic tendency. He’s rather like Trump.

So he has published a reply from Callum Brown. Reporting it to be from me. What a fool, because he has broken all the rules of medium.com and made a fool of himself.

He styles himself as Dr but he only has a BSc. And the institution where he claims to have gained L3 in architecture has no record of him.

A friend of mine in Malaysia has written extensively about Covid 19. Here are some facts you need to know about a corona virus:

SARS survivors are also more likely to develop neuropsychiatric disorders at 31–50 months post-infection, compared to the non-infected. The data shows that 54.5% of SARS survivors had PTSD, 39% had depression, 36.4% had pain disorder; 32.5% had panic disorder, and 15.6% had obsessive-compulsive disorder.Whereas the prevalence of these disorders was only 3% before the SARS epidemic.

To survive Covid19, you need to eat high protein, fats such as legumes and meat, and as few carbs as you can. Carbs feed foreign bacteria and free radicals, so they compromise the immune system.

A bit crushed…

Photo by TOPHEE MARQUEZ on Pexels.com

The wife in the couple to whom I teach conversational English is angry. I’ve been teaching one of them and he is so grateful, but she will only take lessons by skype. She will not come to join the conversation.

I feel concerned because the daughter lacks English and they are sending her to school whenever that happens again.

The wife made her son take her to hospital with a cut finger. I am furious as we need not to go to hospital with minor stuff. The number of people reporting cancer etc has dropped to virtually nil. As a NHS worker, I was naturally angry.

A friend down the road hurt me late last week, and I emailed her about it. I got no response. She fetched shopping for me today as I’m not allowed in shops. Instead of apologising she rubbed salt in the wound and left as I started to cry.

Why do I attract such bad friends?

Tonight I diagnosed a much better friend with Venous Stasis, which is dangerous if untreated. She had phoned her doctor described her symptoms and she told me she was prescribed tablets. Tonight I discovered they are antibiotics!!! Completely wrong!!!

I have continued to sleep well. And long.

I have poured out my anger about M. Ebsworth breaking my laptop. No mature response. Why are men such children. I need a laptop so badly.

The houses opposite are much further progressed than I realised. This is why I am considering palliative care only. I can’t not see the sun in winter.

I am happy and at peace. I know where I am going.

Time passes…

My depression is flattening out. I just looked out my window and the sun is making the chain ferry luminous in the late sun. The harbour is so blue.

So I’m doing a bit better. My friends and I are passing silly videos and memes on WhatsApp which brings laughter into the day.

I came across a flat with a wrap around terrace. But the kitchen is in the living room and I really dislike that. Then I found a ground floor flat what is in a converted church. I love it. It’s in Penzance, so very impractical.

I don’t want to move but I’d love to be closer to my cousin, who’s in Sunderland, very far from Cornwall.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of cutting my daughter’s hair. It seems like ages since I did that. I did it all her life, stating at age 31/2.

The clouds are pink now, turning coral. And fading into grey/blue.

I continue to write articles. I sleep later though.

My friend down the road came for distance cup of tea. My cleaner came. The police could stop him and fine him. But I said he should them to phone me.

I’m grateful that people have reached out to me while the depression was bad. I’m so glad I’m not an alcoholic. Just think, drinking until you’re numb, with with no purpose in life, living a lie like Mike Ebsworth.

So jubilant the neighbours are gone. I celebrate each day.

Recovery still ongoing…

I am still recovering from Thursday. Just some aches in my ribs from sitting for so long in the cold. I got cold. I have been much colder but that was another era in my health.

I have sent thank you cards. Sent texts of gratitude.

My gratitude for strangers who are so kind is boundless. I actually believe no one is a stranger, but a friend in waiting. I have always done my best to be kind. All over the world I have experienced kindness. I used to be quite a risk taker, although other risk takers might think me very tame.

Risks are better taken in warm climates. Then, if you have nowhere to sleep, you won’t freeze.

I have continued with napping. My daughter came yesterday and made me a hot dinner.

I made someone very happy today, just by sending a card. I was thrilled. I love making people feel happy.

I’ve been writing and now write for two publications on medium.com. It’s so rewarding, and I don’t mean money..

Out of the EU…

Today has been a strange day. I felt like my mojo was missing. I can’t put my finger on it.

I have been productive though. I’ve got a lot of writing done. I just seemed so absent minded.

On Wednesday evening, I celebrated the removal of the gate next door with cheese,wine and chocolate. My midweek glass of wine. It was very enjoyable.

Yesterday a friend visited and another one today. And in between my writing.

The nerve in my leg began to hurt again, so I meditated on it and it faded away.

This is the strangest post I’ve ever written.

In such pain…

Yesterday evening, two friends came to my home to have dinner with me. Mathew is the friend that picked me up when my trolley tipped up in November. Chrisii and he are having a baby which is due on the second of March.

I had bought some gifts the baby, some soft toys and a thermometer, and light blankets/shawls. She intends to breastfeed, so they will be good for discretion when needed. I didn’t really bother with one, but never actually fed my daughter in public, the most being a small party.

I got the pleasure of feeling the babies heartbeat. It was wonderful. I haven’t felt an unborn baby for so long.

I slept very soundly last night, but woke before six a.m. and knew that was it. Yesterday, a nerve in my thigh bit me three times. Today, it began to hurt at around lunch time, and it’s constancy has worn me to the edge of tears. I have eaten a hot meal and feel a little stronger.

I was rather fazed a short while ago. My phone was going. Message alerts from facebook, and timing the oven.

I came here for peace. For processing some thoughts.

Earlier, I was looking at the harbour and saw a grey horse cantering across it with a rider. It was a moment before I realised this was impossible. Anyhow, it’s a poem in the making.

A friend helped me with the garden yesterday. My neighbours had not only hooked their gates open, but had hammered very long nails under the handle off the bolt as well as above. To prevent me from having access to my garden with a vehicle, or rather, my friend’s van. We twisted the nail upright and closed their gate to open mine.

At times I tremble at what they put me through. But I will not give in to ill-mannered bullies. I will assert myself, as I am not in the wrong.

Thank you for some kind comments in the last week. They mean so much to me. Thank you so much.