Strange times…

England has just back stepped in it’s opening up of the economy. I think this was inevitable. One cannot pretend a virus is ‘under control’ while there are still infections occurring. Indeed, people are still dying of Covid 19 here. This is not a second wave. The first wave is not over.

For the last ten days or so, I have woken thinking I have Covid 19. Whether this is becauseof dreams, or because I wake with a dry throat, I don’t know. I think my dry throat or sore feeling is the chronic fatigue that I get once or twice a year.

I started this summer waking very early and not sleeping well. Now I don’t wake early and find it hard to get out of bed. Sleep comes more easily, but is reluctant to leave. My mornings are sluggish and reluctant. Next week I have an X-ray appointment before noon. That will be a challenge.

My late mornings correlate directly with the loss of seeing the harbour from my bed. For fifteen years I have only had to rise on one elbow to see the vista of the the water and boats. I can still see the harbour but have to leave my bed. It is no longer my constant companion while writing or thinking. Daydreaming.

It is a bereavement, a grief, and one I feel keenly. If I am struggling this much now, how much more worse will it be in winter? It is unimaginable. And yet I have my garden. It bearsfruit. I have just picked and eaten my second fig, and tomorrow’s is marked out. They are so refreshing, so sweet, so unimaginably good. There are strawberries and tomatoes waiting, blueberries ripening. And my flowers. My trees.

So, there are many not as fortunate as I am. Counting my blessings and gratitude for what I have is my strength. It keeps me going in hard times when my mood is low.

My only regret in life is that I married the man I did. But then I wouldn’t have my daughter. I often think of dropping the name Brady, but the expense and inconvenience are too much.

My pain is manageable. Most days I have none and then my hip will start to hurt. That is manageble. Meditation and prayer take it away.

I am aware of my body though. There is always a sensation somewhere. And I know I look different and I wonder how many men would talk to me if I didn’t.

We need to stop putting the economy ahead of human lives. This virus kills and when it doesn’t it can leave nasty side effects for life or a long time. This will be with us for a long time.

Weary but satisfied…

It feels as if I haven’t done much today. But I have poddled along, doing this and that.

The editing is finished. I have shared some tomatoes with neighbours. I am keeping an eye on my figs so not to let them over ripen. My blueberries are changing colour. It’s all good.

I watered garden and then finished planting my plants. It was very satisfying.

My hip has been ok. I leaned back and felt a bruise on my pelvis. I don’t know how I did it, but it is the same place that got badly bruised last November. I should keep an eye on it.

It’s been a glorious day. I love where I live.

The first fig from my garden…

It was perfect. Sweet, moist and refreshing. Straight from the tree. The most perfect fig I’ve ever eaten. I am thrilled.

To eat and enjoy the fruit, literally, of one’s labour is so satisfying. I saw the fig almost by accident and noticed it was no longer green. I touched it and there was a softness. I worried that it was over ripe, but no it was perfection.

It was hot…

I barely slept last night. I fell soundly asleep after 5.30 am. I was woken by a call from the police. I was not amused. Last they phoned it was 23.05.

I didn’t get a chance to say what I wanted. I was mid sentence when he said thank you and ended the call.

I felt better after a shower. It was really muggy today. My garden looked thirsty. I watered it this evening and tomorrow I will pick my first tomatoes.

I was able to give a small table to two ladies who needed one. I no longer need it. I like it when things like that happen.

I tried to call my surgery about my hip. It is really not good at all. They were closed for staff training. I hope I remember tomorrow.

I have been editing. Not my favourite job. My memory gets shorter and shorter as I work. It’s tiring as it can get repetitive. I try to refresh my brain regularly.

Another day…

I deliberately wanted a quiet day. To read, to nap, and to ignore the dull weather. I got two very pleasant phone calls which I really enjoyed.

It seems the lifting of further lockdown measures has brought my county and the neighbouring two to gridlock. What did they expect? It’s happened twice before so why would today be different?

As it rained in the night (although I don’t know how much) I only watered my hanging baskets, the fig tree and tomatoes. There are so many tomatoes. They should start ripening soon.

I am pleased with the soap holder I made from twine. It’s like a bag and gives the soap something to stop slipping out of ones hand. As I’m trying to be plastic free, I no longer buy bottles of shower gel etc. I get organic bars.

It has been obvious for a while that I am not over my sister’s death. So many negative things happened at that time. It stuffed everything up.

I have other emotional loose ends too. I’m in a weird sort of place.

Weird things and no closure…

So I wrote two posts thinking that only people logged in to WordPress would be able to see, but no, it turns out they have to be logged in to my account. So that didn’t work and someone asked twice to be let into my account…

Here’s atcha, willowdaydreamer, whoever you may be.

I wanted to stop the trolls from nosing at everything I write. This isn’t really that interesting.

I slept late this morning after waking early. I had coffee again. It’s so nice to enjoy it again.

My left hip has really been troublesome today. It feels like it’s numb, and this travels down my leg, but my sciatica has a sensation too. After 5pm it became hard to walk, but I planted a plant and checked my strawberries. A large crop is coming in the next week. I’m looking forward to that on my muesli. Or porridge.

I haven’t needed to water as we have rain on and off. It’s spitting now, and a storm is brewing very close by. Soon it will pour.

I’m glad because I forgot to water my hanging baskets whenever I last watered. I must remind myself to do them. They are filled with perennials as I don’t do temporary plants. Some will start trailing soon. They should look good.

On Wednesday night I slept well after eating an entire carrot cake. I started with a slice and then had two. And the rest is history.

I am planning a cheesecake for my daughter’s birthday. I bought chocolate biscuits for the base. I need to think about this, but see no reason why it won’t work. The base is simply smooshed biscuits with melted butter and chilled.

I might grate chocolate on the top. I’m thinking of using juice of orange to set it. Orange and chocolate go well.

I’m bothered about my hip. It catches me unawares. It seems to function better if I ignore it, but that isn’t always possible. I don’t see what can be done though.

This morning I disturbed a cat in my garden. This vexed me. Then I found lots of white feathers on my path. I’m thinking these belong to a seagull, so I’m not too upset. I just don’t want a cat in my garden.

My cousin phoned. We laughed. Mostly at the absurd in our lives. Laughing is such a gift. I’m glad every time I laugh as it is good for my soul and my body too.

I’m aware I have no closure on the man who nine months ago crooned over me that he would not let me die alone and that he only cared about me and him from that point on.

It’s a strange place to be. No closure.

Rain and wind…

WordPress has altered and I can’t add a meme as easily as before. I need to talk to Jim…

So Friday night brought rain and also strongly gusting wind. Fortunately, the rake, mop, and other garden tool handle proved strong enough to keep my tomato plants upright. This was a huge relief.

I have trimmed away foliage that added weight to the plants and side shoots with no blossom. This also exposes the fruit to more sunlight to ripen. They are are small variety, I can experiment with others next season if I wish. Since I want to use them primarily in salad type meals, the size is almost irrelevant. The flavour is my goal.

I had a visitor to my garden on Thursday evening. My water butts were knocked over. They were caught on my security camera.

There is a community website that I have stopped using because other people who have misbehaved on it are causing trouble and using my blog as a source of information to make false allegations. The admin are aware, and monitoring.

On Friday night I slept within minutes of going to bed. Last night I was tired, but took a while to sleep. The left side of my pack hurt and it took a while to find comfort.

My hair salon contacted me today – I have an appointment in three weeks. I am looking forward to it. I won’t know my self, as my hair is ‘long’ and I make gaps for my eyes.

I emptied my dehumidifier. Half a litre. I put it on the garden. Manufacturing water. It’s our most precious commodity.

So hot…

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Today has been very hot, hovering around 29-30C. Here it gets muggy at that temperature. When I lived in California it would get to 35 C and I didn’t feel it as it was such a dry heat. My hair would bleach and when I was not formal for work, my tops and skirts/shorts would give me a tan without ever trying. just walking from place to place or to my car would be enough.

I have been lied about to a website. I have my suspicions. I’m not saying anything more.

I rested on waking this morning. I knew it would be hot so I made the most of the coolness. I have worked and found it too hot, even with my ceiling fan. My dehumidifier is filling up.

My county was put into an emergency status as beaches further west were closed and to the east people crowded onto the beaches. Most of the south of England was in gridlock with traffic.

There are no amenities for these people, no campsites, hotels or public restrooms. The police cannot cope. We fear they are bringing Covid19 with them, as our stats for that went up last time.

My daughter came with shopping and did some stuff I find heavy. Then I took a longed for shower, and now feel fresh and fragrant again.

It’s a glorious evening. I love evenings.

My hip does continue to give way at times. For the most part it doesn’t hurt. When I gives way, the sensation is very uncomfortable but not exactly pain. I can’t see my doctor at present and I may not bother to mention it as the most likely remedy is not possible for me.

My borage is thriving. I want to have Pimm’s with someone so I can add some.

The strawberries are cropping again and the tomatoes are ripening.

So much to be joyful about and I’m grateful. My lemon tree is showing early fruit, but I’m not expecting any this year.

Woke late…

WordPress has gone strange again. There’s a thoroughly unpleasant man in Australia who is persecuting my cousin.

I woke feeling tired. This is unusual. I normally awake feeling refreshed even if I decide to linger in bed for half an hour.

It has rained so I did not need to water my garden. I took photos of it instead. I tend to forget what I have written the day before, so yes took pics of my sister’s rose and other flowers.

I have a headache. Maybe eyestrain? Maybe just thinking. I’m still taking painkillers. They are not strong, so they just ease any residual inflammation in my leg, and ankle.

Does anyone else get scam calls from Amazon? I know people have had them, so it’s my turn now.

The sky still looks grim. Maybe more rain on the way.

Praying for rain…

There’s a heavy rain cloud overhead, I hope it will pour down for my garden. And for my breathing.

I feel tired again. Inflammation makes one tired in order to make a person rest so that they recover. My ankle has been very inflamed and still has a little way to go.

I just left a zoom meeting. It didn’t seem to flow well and some feel predisposed to talk when it’s someone’s turn to speak.

I am still taking painkillers for my ankle and the bruising to my back. That is better but I still get twinges in my ribs.

I had a friend for cold drinks in my garden. It was so pleasant but I really find it hard to trust anyone these days. So many people are untrustworthy and unreliable.

I am grateful for the friends I have.