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The first fig from my garden…

It was perfect. Sweet, moist and refreshing. Straight from the tree. The most perfect fig I’ve ever eaten. I am thrilled.

To eat and enjoy the fruit, literally, of one’s labour is so satisfying. I saw the fig almost by accident and noticed it was no longer green. I touched it and there was a softness. I worried that it was over ripe, but no it was perfection.

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It was hot…

I barely slept last night. I fell soundly asleep after 5.30 am. I was woken by a call from the police. I was not amused. Last they phoned it was 23.05.

I didn’t get a chance to say what I wanted. I was mid sentence when he said thank you and ended the call.

I felt better after a shower. It was really muggy today. My garden looked thirsty. I watered it this evening and tomorrow I will pick my first tomatoes.

I was able to give a small table to two ladies who needed one. I no longer need it. I like it when things like that happen.

I tried to call my surgery about my hip. It is really not good at all. They were closed for staff training. I hope I remember tomorrow.

I have been editing. Not my favourite job. My memory gets shorter and shorter as I work. It’s tiring as it can get repetitive. I try to refresh my brain regularly.

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Another day…

I deliberately wanted a quiet day. To read, to nap, and to ignore the dull weather. I got two very pleasant phone calls which I really enjoyed.

It seems the lifting of further lockdown measures has brought my county and the neighbouring two to gridlock. What did they expect? It’s happened twice before so why would today be different?

As it rained in the night (although I don’t know how much) I only watered my hanging baskets, the fig tree and tomatoes. There are so many tomatoes. They should start ripening soon.

I am pleased with the soap holder I made from twine. It’s like a bag and gives the soap something to stop slipping out of ones hand. As I’m trying to be plastic free, I no longer buy bottles of shower gel etc. I get organic bars.

It has been obvious for a while that I am not over my sister’s death. So many negative things happened at that time. It stuffed everything up.

I have other emotional loose ends too. I’m in a weird sort of place.

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Weird things and no closure…

So I wrote two posts thinking that only people logged in to WordPress would be able to see, but no, it turns out they have to be logged in to my account. So that didn’t work and someone asked twice to be let into my account…

Here’s atcha, willowdaydreamer, whoever you may be.

I wanted to stop the trolls from nosing at everything I write. This isn’t really that interesting.

I slept late this morning after waking early. I had coffee again. It’s so nice to enjoy it again.

My left hip has really been troublesome today. It feels like it’s numb, and this travels down my leg, but my sciatica has a sensation too. After 5pm it became hard to walk, but I planted a plant and checked my strawberries. A large crop is coming in the next week. I’m looking forward to that on my muesli. Or porridge.

I haven’t needed to water as we have rain on and off. It’s spitting now, and a storm is brewing very close by. Soon it will pour.

I’m glad because I forgot to water my hanging baskets whenever I last watered. I must remind myself to do them. They are filled with perennials as I don’t do temporary plants. Some will start trailing soon. They should look good.

On Wednesday night I slept well after eating an entire carrot cake. I started with a slice and then had two. And the rest is history.

I am planning a cheesecake for my daughter’s birthday. I bought chocolate biscuits for the base. I need to think about this, but see no reason why it won’t work. The base is simply smooshed biscuits with melted butter and chilled.

I might grate chocolate on the top. I’m thinking of using juice of orange to set it. Orange and chocolate go well.

I’m bothered about my hip. It catches me unawares. It seems to function better if I ignore it, but that isn’t always possible. I don’t see what can be done though.

This morning I disturbed a cat in my garden. This vexed me. Then I found lots of white feathers on my path. I’m thinking these belong to a seagull, so I’m not too upset. I just don’t want a cat in my garden.

My cousin phoned. We laughed. Mostly at the absurd in our lives. Laughing is such a gift. I’m glad every time I laugh as it is good for my soul and my body too.

I’m aware I have no closure on the man who nine months ago crooned over me that he would not let me die alone and that he only cared about me and him from that point on.

It’s a strange place to be. No closure.

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Rain and wind…

WordPress has altered and I can’t add a meme as easily as before. I need to talk to Jim…

So Friday night brought rain and also strongly gusting wind. Fortunately, the rake, mop, and other garden tool handle proved strong enough to keep my tomato plants upright. This was a huge relief.

I have trimmed away foliage that added weight to the plants and side shoots with no blossom. This also exposes the fruit to more sunlight to ripen. They are are small variety, I can experiment with others next season if I wish. Since I want to use them primarily in salad type meals, the size is almost irrelevant. The flavour is my goal.

I had a visitor to my garden on Thursday evening. My water butts were knocked over. They were caught on my security camera.

There is a community website that I have stopped using because other people who have misbehaved on it are causing trouble and using my blog as a source of information to make false allegations. The admin are aware, and monitoring.

On Friday night I slept within minutes of going to bed. Last night I was tired, but took a while to sleep. The left side of my pack hurt and it took a while to find comfort.

My hair salon contacted me today – I have an appointment in three weeks. I am looking forward to it. I won’t know my self, as my hair is ‘long’ and I make gaps for my eyes.

I emptied my dehumidifier. Half a litre. I put it on the garden. Manufacturing water. It’s our most precious commodity.

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So hot…

Today has been very hot, hovering around 29-30C. Here it gets muggy at that temperature. When I lived in California it would get to 35 C and I didn’t feel it as it was such a dry heat. My hair would bleach and when I was not formal for work, my tops and skirts/shorts would give me a tan without ever trying. just walking from place to place or to my car would be enough.

I have been lied about to a website. I have my suspicions. I’m not saying anything more.

I rested on waking this morning. I knew it would be hot so I made the most of the coolness. I have worked and found it too hot, even with my ceiling fan. My dehumidifier is filling up.

My county was put into an emergency status as beaches further west were closed and to the east people crowded onto the beaches. Most of the south of England was in gridlock with traffic.

There are no amenities for these people, no campsites, hotels or public restrooms. The police cannot cope. We fear they are bringing Covid19 with them, as our stats for that went up last time.

My daughter came with shopping and did some stuff I find heavy. Then I took a longed for shower, and now feel fresh and fragrant again.

It’s a glorious evening. I love evenings.

My hip does continue to give way at times. For the most part it doesn’t hurt. When I gives way, the sensation is very uncomfortable but not exactly pain. I can’t see my doctor at present and I may not bother to mention it as the most likely remedy is not possible for me.

My borage is thriving. I want to have Pimm’s with someone so I can add some.

The strawberries are cropping again and the tomatoes are ripening.

So much to be joyful about and I’m grateful. My lemon tree is showing early fruit, but I’m not expecting any this year.

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Woke late…

WordPress has gone strange again. There’s a thoroughly unpleasant man in Australia who is persecuting my cousin.

I woke feeling tired. This is unusual. I normally awake feeling refreshed even if I decide to linger in bed for half an hour.

It has rained so I did not need to water my garden. I took photos of it instead. I tend to forget what I have written the day before, so yes took pics of my sister’s rose and other flowers.

I have a headache. Maybe eyestrain? Maybe just thinking. I’m still taking painkillers. They are not strong, so they just ease any residual inflammation in my leg, and ankle.

Does anyone else get scam calls from Amazon? I know people have had them, so it’s my turn now.

The sky still looks grim. Maybe more rain on the way.

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Praying for rain…

There’s a heavy rain cloud overhead, I hope it will pour down for my garden. And for my breathing.

I feel tired again. Inflammation makes one tired in order to make a person rest so that they recover. My ankle has been very inflamed and still has a little way to go.

I just left a zoom meeting. It didn’t seem to flow well and some feel predisposed to talk when it’s someone’s turn to speak.

I am still taking painkillers for my ankle and the bruising to my back. That is better but I still get twinges in my ribs.

I had a friend for cold drinks in my garden. It was so pleasant but I really find it hard to trust anyone these days. So many people are untrustworthy and unreliable.

I am grateful for the friends I have.

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Tired and strange…

Today I have been feeling not quite myself. Nothing specific, but it could be the humidity we’ve had for a few days.

My breathing is affected by humidity and tires me. I have spent time writing, talking with my cousin, daughter, and just left a zoom event held by The Poetry Society. I was late. This is happening quite often, I’m sad to say. Being late.

I had a nap earlier and whilst drifting into sleep it seemed I could feel the turning of the Earth. I haven’t felt this for years. It’s not just that I feel the Earth turning but today it was like I could feel myself suspended by gravity and a vacuum. This sensation goes back to nightmares I had early on with PTSD.

I slept for a round an hour or so and then did some things in the house and garden. I have finally been able to plant my hanging baskets but they need more soil, so are not hung yet.

The zoom meeting was very good, excellent in fact. I listened and did not comment. I was not on the agenda.

It’s good to be aware of one’s appearance on zoom. I remembered to reapply my lippy.

I’ve just watered the garden. The rose for my sister is in bloom. I have watched the bud for two weeks now. I sat and ate strawberries while I looked at it.

My strawberries are lush. So sweet and falling apart on biting. It is so satisfying to eat what one has grown.

I still need to cut away some tomato leaves. It will make the plants less heavy and more sun will reach the crop,

So now I am exhausted. I’m aware of discomfort but not pain. My ankle was very slightly puffy today but not painful, just reminding me it needs rest.

I’m going to have a glass of rose wine as there is no chocolate in the house. I hope to sleep well, despite the sultry evening.

I am a bit low. All my friends are back at work and though I’m used to that I haven’t seen them in ages.

I’m not going to change my behaviour now that lockdown is over. I’m going to wait.

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The poison pen…

The malice of some woman. Jealous. Empty life. Alcoholic.

A friend in Brooklyn said ‘No wonder he preferred you to her’. People who do this are mentally ill.

I would know this writing anywhere although she has attempted to straighten her dropped curls. The note paper is a complete give away.

Her sister will recognise it as well as Michael.

Tiny minds do tiny things. But the damage caused is unforgiveable. Thankfully I am friendly with a Chief Inspector, who has used his discretion to allocate an officer. They are really busy right now. She can sweat. So can the letting agency who blamed me for the loss of the last tenants.

I am still enjoying English conversation classes. I wish I had started before last summer.

My garden will be beautifully nourished by rain water. It is still raining.

Zoom poetry last night. Chaotic but no one got drunk. Professional poetry events by zoom have an agenda, and no one speaks. It feels odd not to clap. But no chaos.

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Rain at last…

We are here to be kind and do good to each other.

I am so glad that at last it is raining. I don’t need to water the garden and maybe some of the idiots will go home from our beaches. I don’t mind people coming for holidays, it’s beautiful here. But mass invasion, needing all our emergency services? No. It has been horrible. Major injuries, near drownings, boats and kayaks in difficulty. And locals buying their kids paddleboards just at this time.

The rain is heavy now. I’m really happy.

So glad to see black people hugging cops who express sorrow over attitudes that led to so many executions. And cops marching with protesters. Trump is being sued over breaking another amendment. Get that man out!!

I have contacted more media about my plight with the planned construction. A man from my county council picked it up and has sent it to complaints there.

There are decent people out there with a conscience. I have met some wonderful people.

Most of us are decent and well mannered. Most of us are kind and don’t hesitate to help others.

We accept apologies. We don’t continue feuds, especially based on assumptions. In my work, and life generally, I don’t assume anything. It makes an ass u me together.

I can’t stand people who won’t accept an apology. I will apologise even when I am in the right, as I value relationships more than being right.

There is a huge yacht in the harbour, motionless but lights on. She is either in difficulty or fog bound. Some tugs are moving around her. I’m curious. I will drop in at the harbour master later and ask.

Her lights are out now but no boat has ever moored alongside just there. It’s the fishing shambles. Fish are unloaded there.

Another huge cruiser is just further out. Did they collide? The plot thickens.

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Riot is the language of the unheard…

My cousin has written down some notes about Minneapolis.

I feel like rioting. At our council building, at a certain letting agency. All my neighbours for 15 years, have at some point behaved criminally toward me. Except the Slovenian lady. Even the owner. He was not a good neighbour to have.

I could riot at the idiots who have flocked here and jumped off 200 ft rocks into the sea and needed air ambulances, the 2 who nearly drowned at the beach and needed paramedics. A forest fire is still smouldering because idiots took one use bbqs and were careless, and then a second fire with another disposable bbq.

This is the problem of living where there is beauty. I met some on the quay from Birmingham!!! They’ve come from London in droves. All local police and every other emergency service is stretched to breaking point. The crime I reported hasn’t been looked at.

I gather trolls daily, it seems.

I didn’t water the garden this morning. I didn’t wake until after 7 am. I’ll do it this evening. I know why I started the mornings – I am not tired out by the pain in my ankle or ribs. My ribs are much better though. Just very tender.

It seems so noisy out there now that people are doing too much too soon. Our death rate is still in triple figures while the rest of Europe is below 34.

What a mess up.

But I have my gorgeous garden. My haven.

Bees are there all the time. Butterflies and moths. A refuge for biodiversity. I will taste my strawberries again. They should be really sweet by now.