Strange headache…

I awoke with a headache at 5.30 am. This is not usual, so I dozed. The headache did not go so I had to cancel with a friend. This was a bit of a blow as I haven’t seen her for ages. I rested and drank plenty and began to feel better by lunch time.

My cleaner has had to swap to tomorrow as he had a job he needed to finish. It’s made me feel oddly discombobulated. With lockdown Mondays have been my only fixed point in the week. Zoom meetings are fortnightly with others that I choose to join dotted in between.

I have already watered the garden. It was a bit early, but it has not been hot and we have had rain. I have more strawberries on the way, but am sad to see the rose for my sister bruised by the rain. My tomato plants are hanging in there until Pete can help me tomorrow. They need stronger stakes.

This morning I kept jumping when the builders started. I did feel very fragile at the time.

I took a watch bracelet to have a purple watch face put on it. I had discussed it before lockdown, but as I started shielding on the 6 March this was my first chance to take it in. The mall seems more scary now than before the pandemic. It seems half lit and there are arrows everywhere which people seem to ignore.

I do still feel a bit not quite myself though. I have drunk plenty and eaten fairly well. I’ve lost a little bit of weight in the last two weeks as my watch is a bit loose. I shall treat myself to something tomorrow. Maybe two things and maybe bake a cake.

I wonder if M has rearranged his flat? It can’t be nice to have one’s home on public display especially as some of it belongs to H jointly. It’s hard to believe some of what he has done.

I thought of my Dad so much yesterday. I used to take him out and give him a present. Often something he needed but the colours he liked. Or a natural history book – birds, or trees. I can’t believe there are people who throw away their Dad for an alcoholic.

I’m looking forward to bed tonight. I want to sleep away this fragile feeling.

Woke late…

WordPress has gone strange again. There’s a thoroughly unpleasant man in Australia who is persecuting my cousin.

I woke feeling tired. This is unusual. I normally awake feeling refreshed even if I decide to linger in bed for half an hour.

It has rained so I did not need to water my garden. I took photos of it instead. I tend to forget what I have written the day before, so yes took pics of my sister’s rose and other flowers.

I have a headache. Maybe eyestrain? Maybe just thinking. I’m still taking painkillers. They are not strong, so they just ease any residual inflammation in my leg, and ankle.

Does anyone else get scam calls from Amazon? I know people have had them, so it’s my turn now.

The sky still looks grim. Maybe more rain on the way.

Sinking

So I am really malfunctioning because of the wind chimes next door. I say next door, they are within arm’s reach over the fence. My head is in a fog, as well as in a constant headache, my left limbs hurt. I am bad tempered because of the area in my brain that is affected.

My laptop doesn’t work, I am writing this on my phone. I am crying out to be understood but no one does. They judge me and are unkind to me. But if they were in my situation they would want understanding and kindness.

What really upsets me is that the people next door and their letting agency do this to me because of the malicious lies told by Michael Ebsworth flatmate or whatever she is. She is violent towards him and speaks so badly of him. And his father will have nothing to do with him because of her.

I need my daughter so badly. I am so scared that I’m going to have a seizure. The wearing down of my nervous system is starting to make me miss a moment every so often.

I had thought I had someone to love when Mike came here. And he told me he loves the bits of me that are damaged by my disease. I can’t express how much I have longed to hear that. To be loved for everything I’ve been through. Not despite it. But he ran ranway atthefirst sign of honesty because his whole life isa lie. He is stunted at age eleven when his mother died and has made an enemy of all the people who have loved him. He’s an alcoholic and I don’t need that.

Treading Water

Since my last post my laptop has been seriously malfunctioning. This is my fifth attempt to write. To add a meme is impossible. Mike Ebsworth has changed his phone number in the hope of avoiding legal consequences but it’s not as simple as that.

I am concerned about him, as the woman he shares an address with tried to hit him, and I saw a bruise on his upper arm which he said was work related. But that doesn’t fit. Last November I saw multiple bruises on his upper arms and he said it was work then. I had no reason to disbelieve him, but I do now.

The wind chimes my neighbours hung continue to cause me headaches, nerve pain and muscle spasms. My head also seems to be in a fog and my concentration is out the window. I can’t remember anything, it seems. I forgot to go to two shops while I was out. I am worried that I will suffer a seizure . I need to end this blog, as I can’t see what I am typing. This is an additional pain the neck, so to speak.

A few days ago I met with a friend and because the place we were at was so noisy, we went to my home. She hadn’t been there before, and she exclaimed how lovely it was. She admired my use of colour and the art I choose to hang. Michael also used to love my home. He always complimented me.

Laura laughed when I told herMikeEbbsworth had left because he thought I wanted a carer. She said she had never known anyone as independent as me.