Scent of larkspur greets me
as I head windward, enslaved in my body
vermilion blossoms delight me, a mariner
on this stormy sea of pain
I am incandescent that I lived when death came
I execrate my fiendish body
on which hare brained surgery was performed
I miss my Dad’s fingers in the tendril of my hair
he is in the lattice of my thoughts
Have you ever known someone that you asked a fairly innocent question, like ”Did you ever have a beard?”, and much later you discover their reply was a lie? You wonder, why on earth would they have lied about that? What difference would telling the truth have made? And your opinion of that person slips a bit.
Mostly, telling you the truth, yes they had a beard, in fact a couple of times, wouldn’t have made a difference at all. They are just in the habit of telling lies. They might lie about where they used to live, and you don’t realise because they say it so easily, until someone else tells you where they lived and you just wonder why would they lie?
These people are compulsive liars, or pathological liars. They started to lie when they had low self esteem, and then it became a habit. They know they are telling a lie, they know that the lie may hurt you, but lying is such a habit that they tell the lies.
This is a mental illness. It needs counselling to explore when and why it started, and help to start telling the truth. People like this often have a narcissist personality. Examples are Trump, and Boris Johnson. They are players on the world stage. I would guess that Erdogan in Turkey is one, and Prince Andrew certainly showed signs of narcissism during that appalling interview. And very likely told a pack of lies. There is no c0ndition of not being able a sweat because of an overload of adrenalin.
So the pathological liar starts when self esteem is low, most usually during puberty, because that is when self esteem is most vulnerable. It might be after a trauma, or the death of a family member, particularly a parent. They start to lie because the truth doesn’t seem adequate, or maybe a sibling is doing better. Or they have idolised sibling when there is a wide age gap.
It’s difficult to deal honestly with this person. You don’t realise they are lying but something doesn’t add up. You refer to something they told you and there is no appropriate reaction. They have a mental illness that makes lying the easier option. Even when they know they will be found out. Or they don’t know you happened to see the email alert on the screen of their phone, and later tell you they didn’t get an email that day.
Sadly, some men think that erectile dysfunction comes with aging. That is such a lie, developed through men talking to men and not seeking help.
The most common reason that a man fails to achieve an erection is deep unhappiness. I don’t mean depression here. I mean a deep unhappiness in their life for any number of reasons. It could be something that stems from childhood, a miserable relationship, no job satisfaction. An unhappiness they barely recognise because it’s so deep they can’t name it.
The second most common reason is depression. You may think deep unhappiness and depression are the same. They differ in that depression can be treated, but deep unhappiness may never be resolved. For example, I have deep unhappiness that my family decided to live in England. It doesn’t stop me being happy.
Next is depression. The feeing of despair, hopelessness and that nothing can be put right. It takes a while for anyone to realise they are depressed and sadly men are far less likely to get help than women. If they do get help, it is likely that anti-depressants will cause erectile dysfunction.
A third reason for erectile dysfunction, which often is a consequence of the first two, is consuming too much alcohol. Men who drink too much will not have a satisfactory sex life. They will fai to achieve an erection, and be very unsatisfied.
Erectile dysfunction is one of the first signs of consuming to much alcohol. They will initially think there is another reason, or keep believing there is another reason. They wil experience ‘black out’ and not realise it. That is to say, they have no memory of what they were doing. When alcohol consumption reaches this point, we call it alcoholism. Alcoholics often don’t realise they have a problem. They may have a job, make decisions, think they have a good relationship, but they do thing in blackout, that are unacceptable or even criminal, such as sexual assault, speeding, criminal damage,and so on. In this case, erectile dysfunction is the least of their problems but they will fixate on that being their only problem.
A lot ofmenmay encounter temporary erectile dysfunction due to illness or injury. Grief and other emotions can make temporary problem, but it is important not to become anxious about this. Everything will normalise if they are in a loving relationship. It just takes some patience and understanding. There are many ways to be be intimate without an erect penis.
This is by no means a detailed look at this subject, but it is useful overview.
I have another chest infection. I think I didn’t ever recover from the last one. Now I am on antibiotics and steroids. I have felt nervous about this recent illness as I feel it shouldn’t be happening. I should be well after the last steroids.
My landlord is now being difficult about the addition of the cloakroom and wants me to go find some one bedroom flat somewhere so I will die quietly without being on their conscience.
I won’t do that. The view here is what keeps me going. I am not a puppet to do their bidding after they have broken so many laws about housing.
I have a poem accepted for publication, another has been submitted for publication and I have lost a poem that I needed to finish. This is a blow.
I am looking at the harbour, the view that sustains me. It is my church, my place to worship God and give thanks.
Writer and psychologist. My health, a journey with two life shortening diseases 
You must be logged in to post a comment.