Last Tuesday evening I set my laptop to update before going to bed. As I turned away, I was suddenly gasping for breath and wheezing. Panic is automatic, so as I used my inhaler, I talked myself calm in my mind.
After dialing 999, it seemed an age before paramedics arrived. In fact, it was only a few minutes. The paramedic was one I have met before, she is kind and pragmatic.
I was nebulised for six minutes, and then again after a pause, as I was still wheezing a bit. After that, I felt fine. Absolutely fine.
I fiddled around for a while in order to relax after the steroid. Then I slept and awakened slightly later than usual.
I find that I am less productive than usual since yesterday morning, or was it the day before? I have lost track of days. Two people have asked if I am a retainer. I am not. As far as I know.
If I am, or become one, my life will be in far greater jeopardy than it is now.
I woke this morning feeling snuggly and cosy. I value this time as I am pain free, and I extend it whenever I can. I could have rested longer, after all, it’s the weekend. For some reason, I got up and checked emails.
Apart from a couple of personal ones, there was a notification that a certain courier would deliver a parcel. I still habitually become sceptical because that courier didn’t deliver to me for nine years. I have received a few recently, but thought the regular person was unwell or on holiday.
I did try to go back to bed, but the moment was gone.
My friend down the road phoned to say she had left something she had done for me on my front door step and was in a hurry in order not to be late for work. I went down to get it, popped it in the kitchen, and came upstairs to write. Naturally, within ten minutes, the courier arrived. He is very pleasant and smiley, unlike his predecessor.
However the two trips downstairs and back up had tired me. I was slightly wheezy and needed to use my inhaler.
A while later, I started to make a cake, It’s an easy recipe as it’s a ‘batter’ type mix so less effort than regular cake. As I put it into the oven, it struck me that I had left out the liquid. Oh, the frustration! I adapted the temperature and baking time, and the cake is now in a cake tin. It did not ‘spread’ in the oven due to the wrong consistency. I will find out how it is to eat in the next few days.
I felt exhausted by that, and was supposed to find out my bus times for tomorrow and let a friend know what time I will arrive tomorrow, but decided to shower and wash my hair right then, so all my tiredness would be at one time. This worked, as all tasks were now done. I could rest and write, read and anything else relaxing.
I was supposed to meet friend tonight for a drink, but she had flu at the beginning of January and has trouble shaking it off. She has chronic fatigue syndrome and I understand completely.
Tomorrow, I am going to a poetry event in the next county. I shall take the bus to my friends, leave my trolley there, and go on in their car. I am looking forward to it.
I forgot to mention hemp oil yesterday. It is excellent for maintaining every ‘system’ in the body. Respiratory system, cardiac system, digestive tract, all other organs, and it promotes good sleep.
Additionally, if you are vegan, please eat seaweed regularly. It has a mineral that should not be taken as a supplement. Supplements are of little value. Get everything you need from your diet.
When I remember the name of the mineral, I will tell you what it is.
Today I woke up during a storm outside. The wind was howling in off the sea and there was torrential rain. On Instagram I’ve seen photos of wild seas and high waves further along the coast. I felt safe and snug in my warm bed, knowing that my front and back doors are locked, that no one can get in, and even if there’s a flood warning, I won’t get flooded.
The biggest problem with this weather is that it makes me feel congested and breathless very easily. I have used my inhaler regularly during this month of rain. I am meant to use it morning and night, but I have on occasion used it four times a day.
The pain I mentioned earlier this week has gone. That is a relief, as it was tiring. To be pain free is a luxury. I mean unusual or more pain than normal, since I tend to experience it all the time, if I stop to think about it, which I don’t.
I have made some tough decisions this week, as I had another phone call for Quay Living. I asked the caller who had given them my number. They wouldn’t give a name, but what they did tell me was sufficient, so I told the police.
It is malice, my former neighbour. Maybe now her fraud and other criminal behaviour will be dealt with.
I now carry a small bag with me around the cottage and garden. In it are my inhaler and spacer (a small cylinder that my inhaler puffs into and I then inhale because my breathing is too irregular to use an inhaler alone), my cell phone, and my purse in case I decide to go out. Doing this saves me energy and allows some spontaneity. It prevents unnecessary journeys upstairs or downstairs, and prevents me from panicking.
Panic is my downfall. If I’ve left my inhaler somewhere, looking for it increases my likelihood to need it even more. That can result in needing an ambulance.
I am a governor for our local ambulance service. Local is not quite the word. It covers southwest England- SWAST. Only twice have I needed to raise a concern. Paramedics are awesome people. They are heroes.
I help them by being a good manager of my health. But sometimes when the post comes, garden needs attention etc I feel as though I’m only just keeping my head above water. I always seem to leave something somewhere, but not my little bag.
Writer and psychologist. My health, a journey with two life shortening diseases 
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