Back to Microsoft and an infection…

It’s such a relief to be able to do the things I need without frustration, as I finally have been able to afford a new laptop. I can now fluidly move from tab to tab, copy and paste easily, edit easily and so much more. There are things I like about OS – it automatically detects that you are typing in another language, and corrects a spelling error automatically whilst here I get a red line under the word as well as auto correction, depending on where I am writing. It’s nice to get weekly feedback on my productivity to. I don’t worry about being told how many errors I made – that’s why I use this.

I can upload my photos too. And put them where I want. I’m sure OS does that too, but I never had time to learn.

I am grateful that my lovely daughter lent it to me though.

I have another chest infection. I was surprised and yet not. My breathing has been rubbish since I had my vaccine, but I felt too unwell with all the pain and fever that I just kept using my inhaler. This morning I felt like nothing at all was going to my lungs. Worse, I could barely breathe out. I did all the usual things, inhaler, airphysio, and my turmeric, ginger, and lemon tea. That is a real help when I have it every day. I somehow got out of the habit.

I called out paramedics, who arrived in minutes. They checked my sats which was 91, not great, and I had a mild temperature. I hadn’t noticed this, although I did by the time the paramedics left. They gave me oxygen, and told me to start antibiotics. And steroids. Well, I had already taken one. Eight tomorrow morning and until I run out. I will take eight for a week and then take fewer for a while.

They made me a cup of tea and went on their way. I am about to send my thanks.

I am still getting back ache, and pain in my side. It’s not terrible, but it gnaws at my resilience, which is not strong at present.

I am so glad I’ve only smoked at parties or with a friend. Smokers are being killed by Covid-19 like swatting flies. I don’t mean to lack empathy, but smoking leads to no good and I don’t understand why people start now. Like in the last decade. Also, being inactive increases the probability of death.

I’ve never been any of the above, and yet here I am, a former junior champion at sprinting, horse rider, cyclist, and dancer.

Health is so valuable. Health and good friends are our most precious gifts, and good family too. You can’t choose your family, but I really appreciate my daughter and cousin. I have family in Australia and Germany too, but I can’t travel like that anymore.

My neighbours, Mike, and Quay Living…

I have decided that these people cannot rent space in my head anymore.

My neighbours’ windchimes are making a din and quite frankly I can’t bear it, I will be buying headphones. I can’t let myself become ill because of them. I don’t like to do this because I love birdsong, although they ended that. I also love the sound of wind and rain.

Now the man nextdoor has started hammering nails above and below the handle of the drop down bolt of the rear gate that they keep open. This breaches their tenancy rules. I’ve had to pull them out once, but they were put right back. Such immaturity is beyond me.

Quay Living, the letting agent, don’t care. All they want is their money. They couldn’t care less that the wider neighbourhood has been upset by their tenants.

Mike has been hard to get out of my head. It’s not my fault he thinks so little of himself that he decided I only wanted him to be my ‘cleaner, cook and nurse’. It’s not surprising though as when he lived next door he was treated pretty much like a dog. Not allowed out, not able to keep promises he made to me about making amends for waking me at 3am and manhandling me.

He broke my laptop, and is so cowardly that he changed his phone number. He must have much lower self-esteem than I ever realised, but it’s not surprising considering the relationship. She referred to him as a complete idiot, and the money I owed didn’ ‘matter, it’s Mike’s money anyway’. And she moved him a 40 minute walk from his work, telling him they need to save money, when there are rentals under £850 much nearer. It was to control him and keep him away from me. But it didn’t work. He came to see me, and that was what tipped me into love.

But it’s useless loving someone who is so messed up that they stay in a toxic relationship.

Ebsworth well and truly broke my laptop…

I’ve been using my phone to write my blog since an alcoholic broke my laptop. I was still able to use it to look at websites, and read emails but that was about it. Now I can’t even do that. I know absolutely nothing about computers, laptops etc. And I have no money to repair it or replace it. I am going to have to insure whatever gets repaired or replaced.

A poem of mine been published by The Voice. I have been trying to copy and paste it here, but I need my laptop to do that. The Voice is on WordPress so if you really want to read it, put in that name followed by mine. I actually hate reading my poetry after it’s been published. I also heard that I hadn’t won a prize that I had entered, but I did get a lot of very positive feedback.

The pain I have been suffering has grown worse. Last night I went to bed early due to excruciating pain in my legs. Nerve pain, which feels like you’ve climbed ten thousand stairs, so like an ache but not.

Today I was in my bathroom and I began to wonder if the wind chimes had been taken down as there was silence. Just as I dared to hope that they had been removed, the ting-tang=ting started again and I retreated my bedroom in tears.

I have started to look for solicitors to take legal action against my neighbours, their letting agent and my former neighbours.

No one should have to live like this. Ebsworth judged me for it and the irony is that he is partially, if not totally responsible for it.

Sinking

So I am really malfunctioning because of the wind chimes next door. I say next door, they are within arm’s reach over the fence. My head is in a fog, as well as in a constant headache, my left limbs hurt. I am bad tempered because of the area in my brain that is affected.

My laptop doesn’t work, I am writing this on my phone. I am crying out to be understood but no one does. They judge me and are unkind to me. But if they were in my situation they would want understanding and kindness.

What really upsets me is that the people next door and their letting agency do this to me because of the malicious lies told by Michael Ebsworth flatmate or whatever she is. She is violent towards him and speaks so badly of him. And his father will have nothing to do with him because of her.

I need my daughter so badly. I am so scared that I’m going to have a seizure. The wearing down of my nervous system is starting to make me miss a moment every so often.

I had thought I had someone to love when Mike came here. And he told me he loves the bits of me that are damaged by my disease. I can’t express how much I have longed to hear that. To be loved for everything I’ve been through. Not despite it. But he ran ranway atthefirst sign of honesty because his whole life isa lie. He is stunted at age eleven when his mother died and has made an enemy of all the people who have loved him. He’s an alcoholic and I don’t need that.