I can’t breathe…

I am blocked in my upper respiratory tract. I am making a terrible noise in my throat and just below. It started when, I don’t know. Martin heard it too.

Sometime later:

So I called paramedics out and I had a wheeze in my lungs. I would never have known.

So now Martin can work a home nebuliser because I don’t want another crew like them.


Dead gulls and visitors…

On Friday, it came to light that there was a dead seagull on my back porch roof. Apparently, my neighbours’ son could not sleep because of the smell. This made me wonder how long they knew it was there.

Anyway, I called the man who cleans my windows as he had told me if I ever need anything, to call him. I got his answering service so looked up the local pest control. The amount they asked for was eye watering, but I gave my card details and it would be done today. However, my window cleaner called me back and was happy to remove it and the price he quoted was far lower. So I accepted that and cancelled the pest control.

In amongst this, I began to wheeze, so called for paramedics. They arrived exactly as Charlie arrived, so one of them paid him for me with a hefty tip as the poor man was gagging at the stench.

Then my daughter arrived. Just as the paramedics were leaving.

My weekend was rounded off by meeting a friend on the Quay and having refreshments in my garden. My garden is so beautiful right now.


Paramedics yet again…

This morning a friend messaged me to say he was in town and would take a look at my phone, which since I put it into a Snakehive case, has been showing a screen that I don’t want. I could get rid of the screen, but it annoyed me a lot.

I wanted him to come to my home, but know he’s always pressed for time, so I went to him. It is bitterly cold, and by the time I got home I was not able to breathe. The cold air had completely altered everything. I dialled 999, frightened that I would pass out before anyone put me through. Then, one gasps out what is needed, one’s birthdate etc annd then they go through a list of questions about Covid-19. They don’t accept one saying you don’t have it. You have to answer each question.

This takes five minutes. I was so afraid that I would be unconscious in my bedroom. I lay gasping and then I heard a siren. I crawled to the top of the stairs and waited. They parked and came in and restored me.

They aren’t happy about the Covid questions either.


Chest infection again…

On Thurday night paramedics attended. They nebulised me and my chest was clear, but she told me she felt I had an infection.

It was then that I realised that the hospital had replaced the medicines that I took with me except antibiotics. Major oversight.

Good Friday chemists were shut but I got some on Saturday and I am no longer wheezing. However, I feel incredibly weak.

This morning I delivered Easter eggs to all the houses with children or window boxes. I watered my friends window box that I made for them. As they are both trauma nurses they don’t get time to water frequently.

I thought a friend was coming, but no sign of him yet.

I need help planting my plants.


Trying to relax…

Moths over Las Vegas

Paramedics have just left. I feel buzzed by the nebuliser. I had two. Salbutamol and and another which has a name I don’t recall. They hadn’t encountered me before and her wish to convey me to A&E was making some of my symptoms worse.

They were both kind, though and she relaxed a bit. That helped me. Now I just need to relax so I can sleep.

I had actually delayed phoning for paramedics all afternoon. But I realised that I would not be able to sleep.


Painting and pain don’t go…

de Villiars. The fastest century.

I painted as much of my gates as could between 7.40 and 8.30am this morning. I was sitting so although it hurt like mad, not as bad as it could be.

I need to get it done as, although the man I employ is very good value for money, I can’t afford to pay for it all. It’s good that I’m not afraid of hard work. It’s the feather board side so harder to get paint into the edges. But once I got going that wasn’t a problem. I’ve discovered I’m a quicker and less messy painter than the man I employ.

Yesterday evening I couldn’t work the hose. It made no sense to me. I had to call my cleaner to show me how. He came and showed me and said he had watered before he left. That was 5.15pm still hot. I was cross, as I had not asked him too. My hose is not my first resort and also watering in heat just causes the water to evaporate and less sinks down causing roots to draw upwards.

This morning I sent a text saying I could not turn the tap after he wound it back. So he came and watered the garden. At 8.30 or so . Too late. I had tried a 5am. If he had replied to my text, I would have said, after 8am, that there was no hurry.

I think he is over anxious to please, as he feels he let me down at the weekend. I have said I don’t hold on to hurt, I moved on and there was no issue.

Paramedics arrived this morning. I couldn’t believe my ears. I had just dressed after a shower. Someone had dialled 999 after seeing a request for some help on a community website. I told them my request was for help getting a meal together, but since they were here would they look at my bruising as it’s not reduced.

I asked that they not make it an official visit, as I’ve had three in the last week. They made me a cup of tea, felt my bruises, we exchanged pleasantries and I sent them on their way.

As a South West Ambulance governor I am furious.

On Sunday I saw a meme in a group on facebook. It was misleading about mental health. I corrected it, and enquired of the friend who posted it where she found it. She was a phone contact friend. She told me by text and I emailed the author whose book title was being used. I then went to help the friend locally who needed the phone charger.

I received an aggressive text from the facebook friend. I was taken aback as this was so unexpected. I replied that I would like to cease contact for the rest of the day as I’m not accustomed to aggression. She kept on and I asked her to stop. She texted again. I turned my phone off.

I don’t use facebook a lot. But yesterday I found myself, unnamed, but completely misrepresented on a post. I responded referring to myself as ‘the person who commented on the meme’. She then replied, tagging me, saying she had tried to not identify me but…I replied ‘I did not identify me either but as you’ve now told a lot of my friends it is me you are misrepresenting, they should know this…’

So I am now blocked. She seemed so nice…

I am so careful. Friends on facebook are strange entities…

The only place I express my full opinion is Twitter. Unless it’s to heads of state, or other powerful people I need to persuade about human rights.

Even here I hold back. I am passionate, I seize life. I do not tolerate fools gladly.


Rain and hip pain but still OK…

It’s been an odd day, but productive. I did waken until noon, so I had fourteen hours sleep and I feel better for it.

A friend sent a text to say she was going to a store and I thought that she keeps doing far too much.

I was writing and making my dinner. My cell phone rang and a man said ”Is this Chrissie?”

I said I was and he told my friend had collapsed. Since I was her most frequently contacted name on her phone he called me. I told him her daughter’s name but he couldn’t find her number so I gave the name of her brother.

Then I dashed up to see if I could reassure my friend. The paramedic was about to close the ambulance door but I asked him to tell her I had come. it’s reassuring when you know someone gives a damn.

I came home. It was raining and I got plenty of strange looks as I was not dressed for rain. But I care more about my friends than I do about getting wet.

At 9pm she said she was home and had no milk. I put some milk in a jug and took it to her.

She didn’t look good but who does after that? Ordinarily she would have stayed in hospital overnight, but at this time it is a risk.

I had a brief chat with the guy who took my call at switch. They are undervalued and not thought of. He appreciated my thanks as they always do.

The rain! Great for my garden. Great for keeping people who gather in groups at home.

I’m so grateful for my garden. My friends and the local hospital. My daughter was fabulous while I was ill last week and has brought shopping again.

I am bucking the trend. I am drinking less alcohol since lockdown and not over eating. I am content with my very local friends, but I do miss the ones further afield who I see regularly.



Today has been a very strange day. I didn’t get to sleep at all on Wednesday night so yesterday I fell asleep at 4.30pm and didn’t wake until 6 pm this morning, when I slaked my thirst and then went back to sleep until 11pm.

I managed to convert a read only document to a docx to attach to an email. Then a man came to put up a new mirror in my bathroom. It has a shelf underneath and small shelves down one side. I’m very pleased and it cost far less than the same one in Ikea.

Meanwhile I had been receiving stroppy texts from a friend who had been doing gardening for me. He actually knows nothing about plants and I had had my flowerbed gravelled over before I knew him, and I had planted a few pots. When I got to know this friend he inspired me to plant up more pots, but we didn’t realise that this summer was going to be so hot, and because I tire so easily and cannot water often enough, most of my plants have died. It’s made me so sad.

At the same time, a man whom I’ve employed a lot to put up shelves, blinds, etc and had left me with grit that got walked into my carpet and later after another job had left a lot of rubbish was begging me to let him do a job for free in order to make up for over charging me. I thought was going mad. My breathing was becoming wheezy. I had to end all the traffic on my phone. My daughter arrived and we had a light dinner. I opened a bottle of Mojito.

I just couldn’t settle. We went upstairs so that I could use the ceiling fan in my bedroom. After not long I wanted to go back downstairs and open both windows. We talked about her work, and then I wanted to go back upstairs. I was using my inhaler a lot, but my breathing was not improving. So I told my daughter that I needed to be nebulised so she waited until the ambulance had arrived. The nebuliser worked. I could talk without gasping for breath.

They wanted to take me to hospital because my tachycardia had not reduced and my respiratory rate had not slowed. I told them I felt normal, my tachycardia was normal although not quite that fast. I said I would not call an ambulance feeling as I did after the nebuliser. So they wrote that I risked death and asked me to sign it.

I know myself very well. I am a good self manager. I know for sure that the Emergency Department is not at all a good place to be for me.


November – this Odessey

Last week I had been experiencing a dull, heavy, ache in my chest. I hate going to the doctor about stuff like this, it means tests at the hospital which is so difficult for me to access.

On Friday even the pain came again. I watched a movie to try to distract myself and let it pass. It did not. I could not lie down, and had to keep sitting up. I began to be short of breath. Eventually, I decided I needed to call an ambulance.

They spent an hour in my home asking questions, testing my blood sugars, taking my blood pressure etc.

Then they asked if I would be OK to walk to the ambulance which was right outside my door. Except I had to stand, hanging on to one of the paramedics while they lowered the ‘ramp’. I ended up bending over in a lot of pain and completely breathless. They gave me GNT and aspirin, which really helped.

I had to have three ECGs, timed over a certain period, and an X-ray. I don’t remember having so much blood taken before. I don’t let my blood go easily. A vein was blown in my hand. It is full of pretty colours now.

They found nothing. But I will ask if I can have GNT on prescription. I don’t want more trips to A&E.