Published poem…

Stars

Fireworks shot skyward, breaking and multiplying in descent
as my eyes were drawn to you, on the other side of the street.
it was how you walk, your spine motionless as you stride,
your cigarette glowed in the shadow cast by a streetlamp

The way you walk, distinctive, was known to me before
I knew you. A boring, quiet man I had thought, but then
you seduced me, you kissed me as I’d rarely known kissing,
you became the sun and moon, and your walk, sexy

Your love was generous and tender, your huge fingers
electrified me many times, tingled me, touching me in
soft secret sensuality, you are a constellation, stars, a galaxy
magical, your dark eyelashes when you slept, so blue your eyes

Pictures in my head, your face bending toward my breast,
you spoke my name as we lay together, in your need, craving
touch, your hunger overwhelmed me, gladly surrendering
how I still long to sleep beside you again, you’re so sexy

You pace the length of this road, I watch you, wondering
why I am not running downstairs to call your name out loud,
you were taken from me so suddenly, though you returned
but I am still at my window, watching, fearing that we are done

Screaming…

• 

I’ve been screaming with pain, both inner and physical. I hurt so much by Mike’s departure. He left because he thought I wanted a carer. The very last thing on my mind. I wanted a partnership of equals, but naively I trusted him to try to discuss how much help I should keep having. I’m paying an awful amount of money to have half a hour of help each day. I asked him what he thought of me employing someone privately, less frequently but for a longer period of time. All he said was ‘don’t cancel it’. I found this frustrating, but knew he was tired. I left him to sleep and popped in on my friend. He left.

When he told me what he was thinking, I was incredulous. I could not grasp it. Beyond belief. My illness and appearance stop me from believing anyone would want me. But Michael Ebsworth has always told me he loves me and finds my body very attractive. Oh, the thngs he does to me! He’s such a passionate lover. Tender yet demanding.

He knows me. He knows my home can be untidy. Nothing was a surprise to him. And I spent ages sending texts making suggestions on what possblities there were to make this house our home, not just mine. He told me I don’t open windows. Almost all my windows are open all the time. I won’t mention his untidiness and bad habits here.

I went to see the ‘asthma’ nurse in the morning. She is so lovely that I dissolved into tears. I tried to see a play last night which had bought a ticket for about a month ago. I had to leave the theatre to vomit in the ladies and couldn’t face going back in. All the while Mike was firing texts at me.

I’ve been screaming out loud too because the wind changed direction a couple of days ago and I can hear the windchimes all the length of the garden. My nerves are yelling at me to make the chimes stop. My muscles hurt so much on my left side. My neighbours have been told that they cause me nerve pain and they do not change them nor move them.

See my other pages…

https://chrissiemorrisbrady.wordpress.com/black-super-moon/

https://chrissiemorrisbrady.wordpress.com/mercury