Writer and psychologist. My health, a journey with two life threatening diseases
finding joy in every day things. No location given, ever. My poetry, essays, and psychology.
Droplets of water are falling
through the warm sky, making damp,
not wet, clinging to the air
Plants are grateful but I am sad,
I do not to see the Fall
It is not just the season makes me blue,
my soul is heavy, so my heart is dread
Of coming winter, darkness, cold
I wish to sleep, and wake no more
Today I planted some some plants that had arrived at the end of last week. I did get them outside in the rain on Sunday evening. They weren’t particularly thirsty but every drop helps.
This is for the raised bed I made. I am beautifying the other side of my garden. Pete has come up with plans that will save me having to pay to go to the dump.
I gave some neighbours a bowl of my tomatoes. I hope they enjoy them as much as I do. It’s such a good feeling to give home grown food away. I found out at the weekend that a community garden has been started nearby. I will pop along some time.
I have been editing. It is so tiring. I got some eye drops for tired eyes. I should wear my glasses more often.
I received my copy of Locked Write Down today. It’s always a rewarding feeling. I only know one of the other poets included in it. His poem is very fine.
My hip has played up a few times today. Last night when I went to bed I could feel the nerves right down to my ankle. It’s very odd. I wonder what the x-ray will show.
Boris Johnson has arranged for cycling to be prescribed on the NHS. This is good in principle, but one must cycle fast enough to raise one’s heartbeat in order to get fit or fitter. Just ambling to work to to the shops is not enough. One would need to take a change of clothes to work to make it work. I know people who do this. Walking is the same principle, as with any exercise.
And he goes on about a second spike of Covid-19 but we’re still in the first wave. Oh dear. Not listening to the science.
It has rained quite hard today and I’ve stayed in. It’s great for my garden, and much needed.
I have napped, in fact last night I fell asleep at around 7.30pm and woke just after ten. I went back to bed at midnight and slept through until almost eight this morning.
This is in stark contrast with how I began the summer. Rising before 6 am to water the garden. I can no longer sustain late nights and early mornings, even when the lateness is driven by inability to sleep.
I could have put some plants outside which arrived yesterday, but I have felt so tired.
I am intreagued that it has taken Boris Johnson so long to realise that being overweight is a comorbidity for Covid-19. It is a comorbidity for anything. Being overweight is a risk for cancer, diabetes, heart attack, stroke, anything. Even flu can be leathal if one is overweight.
I feel sorry for anyone who has not taken the opportunity to lose weight during lockdown. The opportunities to walk, cycle, and alter ones diet were as never before. Some eat a healthy diet but drink too much. Those are the worst calories of all as the habit leads to alcoholism and all that is entailed with that.
Spain has apparently started a second spike. I am surprised as it is too hot. I think it is the first wave popping up after lockdown being lifted to early. We must all be cautious.
Good that we are leading in the second Test against the West Indies. I love cricket.
So I wrote two posts thinking that only people logged in to WordPress would be able to see, but no, it turns out they have to be logged in to my account. So that didn’t work and someone asked twice to be let into my account…
Here’s atcha, willowdaydreamer, whoever you may be.
I wanted to stop the trolls from nosing at everything I write. This isn’t really that interesting.
I slept late this morning after waking early. I had coffee again. It’s so nice to enjoy it again.
My left hip has really been troublesome today. It feels like it’s numb, and this travels down my leg, but my sciatica has a sensation too. After 5pm it became hard to walk, but I planted a plant and checked my strawberries. A large crop is coming in the next week. I’m looking forward to that on my muesli. Or porridge.
I haven’t needed to water as we have rain on and off. It’s spitting now, and a storm is brewing very close by. Soon it will pour.
I’m glad because I forgot to water my hanging baskets whenever I last watered. I must remind myself to do them. They are filled with perennials as I don’t do temporary plants. Some will start trailing soon. They should look good.
On Wednesday night I slept well after eating an entire carrot cake. I started with a slice and then had two. And the rest is history.
I am planning a cheesecake for my daughter’s birthday. I bought chocolate biscuits for the base. I need to think about this, but see no reason why it won’t work. The base is simply smooshed biscuits with melted butter and chilled.
I might grate chocolate on the top. I’m thinking of using juice of orange to set it. Orange and chocolate go well.
I’m bothered about my hip. It catches me unawares. It seems to function better if I ignore it, but that isn’t always possible. I don’t see what can be done though.
This morning I disturbed a cat in my garden. This vexed me. Then I found lots of white feathers on my path. I’m thinking these belong to a seagull, so I’m not too upset. I just don’t want a cat in my garden.
My cousin phoned. We laughed. Mostly at the absurd in our lives. Laughing is such a gift. I’m glad every time I laugh as it is good for my soul and my body too.
I’m aware I have no closure on the man who nine months ago crooned over me that he would not let me die alone and that he only cared about me and him from that point on.
It’s a strange place to be. No closure.
I have set this so that only wordpress users who are signed in can read. Yesterday’s too. I am tired of every Tom, Dick and Harry trolling me.
Today a nurse from the surgery came to look at my horrid symptom. I call it that because I can’t bear to talk about it. I care for it every day and try to forget it.
She seemed concerned but didn’t ask any ridiculous questions, which really helped. She was pleasant without being ‘sweet’ or sickly.
After that I had three deliveries, and the window cleaner came, which I had temporarily forgotten. All that done, I wrote for a while and then made pizza for dinner. I used loads of cheese, much more than usual. I wanted to feel very sated.
My hip has not bothered me at all in the last few days. How fickle the body is.
I haven’t watered the garden as we are due rain tomorrow and if I water the tomatoes too much they will have no flavour. I want flavour.
So now I have read for a while and am drinking a small glass of rose Pinot Grigio. It’s very pleasant.
It’s been greyish today but warm. Quiet except for birds and the odd voice here and there.
A good day in all.
WordPress has altered and I can’t add a meme as easily as before. I need to talk to Jim…
So Friday night brought rain and also strongly gusting wind. Fortunately, the rake, mop, and other garden tool handle proved strong enough to keep my tomato plants upright. This was a huge relief.
I have trimmed away foliage that added weight to the plants and side shoots with no blossom. This also exposes the fruit to more sunlight to ripen. They are are small variety, I can experiment with others next season if I wish. Since I want to use them primarily in salad type meals, the size is almost irrelevant. The flavour is my goal.
I had a visitor to my garden on Thursday evening. My water butts were knocked over. They were caught on my security camera.
There is a community website that I have stopped using because other people who have misbehaved on it are causing trouble and using my blog as a source of information to make false allegations. The admin are aware, and monitoring.
On Friday night I slept within minutes of going to bed. Last night I was tired, but took a while to sleep. The left side of my pack hurt and it took a while to find comfort.
My hair salon contacted me today – I have an appointment in three weeks. I am looking forward to it. I won’t know my self, as my hair is ‘long’ and I make gaps for my eyes.
I emptied my dehumidifier. Half a litre. I put it on the garden. Manufacturing water. It’s our most precious commodity.
I woke very early this morning. It was still stormy so I went back to sleep and then luxuriated in my lovely bed reading.
Last night, when I went to finish painting the gate, I found that the paint tin was empty save for dregs and rainwater. I sloshed some on, knowing it would not give a layer but every little helps. Today I can see where it went, and will apply more.
I am waiting for a wooden swing seat. I think I will paint that the same colour to protect it from the weather. I may wait until it arrives before I finish the gates.
My tomato plants were again drooping because of the wind and rain. I have trimmed a lot of leaves away to make them less top heavy. Tomorrow Pete will be here to help me secure them to a broom handle which will be more substantial. All the tomatoes are there just getting riper.
Today I went to the health food store. It is never full at any one time. I went to pay and my debit card was declined. What? I looked at it and realised that it was my old one. But I had cut it up! No, it seemed I had cut my new card…
The young woman is really friendly, and I paid for what I could with cash. That I had my NHS discount helped. We laughed about my absent mindedness, she kept the rest for me, and I came home feeling dismayed at the inconvenience.
I started writing and wanted my scissors. Looking around for them, I spotted my new, cut in two card lying beside my waste paper basket.
I went back to the shop, and we tried my cut up card as contactless. No good. The young woman suggested I inserted the half that goes in the whatsit. It worked!
So I have some cash, my goods, and had a giggle and also saw a friend which was great.
The day has been breezy, but now there is blue sky everywhere.
I am pleased that one of my poems Walthamstow is included in an anthology. I will update when I can. Half of the profits will go to NHS charities and half to BLM. This is a plus.
WordPress has gone strange again. There’s a thoroughly unpleasant man in Australia who is persecuting my cousin.
I woke feeling tired. This is unusual. I normally awake feeling refreshed even if I decide to linger in bed for half an hour.
It has rained so I did not need to water my garden. I took photos of it instead. I tend to forget what I have written the day before, so yes took pics of my sister’s rose and other flowers.
I have a headache. Maybe eyestrain? Maybe just thinking. I’m still taking painkillers. They are not strong, so they just ease any residual inflammation in my leg, and ankle.
Does anyone else get scam calls from Amazon? I know people have had them, so it’s my turn now.
The sky still looks grim. Maybe more rain on the way.
There’s a heavy rain cloud overhead, I hope it will pour down for my garden. And for my breathing.
I feel tired again. Inflammation makes one tired in order to make a person rest so that they recover. My ankle has been very inflamed and still has a little way to go.
I just left a zoom meeting. It didn’t seem to flow well and some feel predisposed to talk when it’s someone’s turn to speak.
I am still taking painkillers for my ankle and the bruising to my back. That is better but I still get twinges in my ribs.
I had a friend for cold drinks in my garden. It was so pleasant but I really find it hard to trust anyone these days. So many people are untrustworthy and unreliable.
I am grateful for the friends I have.
We are here to be kind and do good to each other.
I am so glad that at last it is raining. I don’t need to water the garden and maybe some of the idiots will go home from our beaches. I don’t mind people coming for holidays, it’s beautiful here. But mass invasion, needing all our emergency services? No. It has been horrible. Major injuries, near drownings, boats and kayaks in difficulty. And locals buying their kids paddleboards just at this time.
The rain is heavy now. I’m really happy.
So glad to see black people hugging cops who express sorrow over attitudes that led to so many executions. And cops marching with protesters. Trump is being sued over breaking another amendment. Get that man out!!
I have contacted more media about my plight with the planned construction. A man from my county council picked it up and has sent it to complaints there.
There are decent people out there with a conscience. I have met some wonderful people.
Most of us are decent and well mannered. Most of us are kind and don’t hesitate to help others.
We accept apologies. We don’t continue feuds, especially based on assumptions. In my work, and life generally, I don’t assume anything. It makes an ass u me together.
I can’t stand people who won’t accept an apology. I will apologise even when I am in the right, as I value relationships more than being right.
There is a huge yacht in the harbour, motionless but lights on. She is either in difficulty or fog bound. Some tugs are moving around her. I’m curious. I will drop in at the harbour master later and ask.
Her lights are out now but no boat has ever moored alongside just there. It’s the fishing shambles. Fish are unloaded there.
Another huge cruiser is just further out. Did they collide? The plot thickens.
