Two steps forward, one back…

Yesterday, I made the effort to wash my hair. I needed the boost of nice hair after feeling so ill for so long.

Afterward, I was wheezing a bit and felt quite vulvnerable. I decided to just rest and relax, which helped a lot. I slept well after a while, and rested until lunch time.

I have finished the steroids too now. I feel better in my breathing for having taken them. I’ve never had the top of the world feeling I had after the first course I was given, but I think that coincided with Mike having walked away in the January. I felt empowered and in charge of me.

It’s two years now since he crashed into my bedroom. I really wish he had not, because I would still think of him as the boring man and would be nuturing my friendship with DW.

Today, I slept until almost noon and stayed in bed while my cleaner was here, for the first time ever. They offered to heat some of my homemade soup, but I find snacks and lots of fluids are all I want.

My window has not been closed for some days. It is so mild, and the cool nights help me sleep.

It was Abby G Poetree night a few days ago, and I didn’t miss it at all. I prefer the more democratic ones, where no one is favoured and congratulations are given appropriately, and where boyfriends don’t interfere on group pages.

I haven’t been out since I had the Thai Curry with my friend. That seems a while ago, but I don’t mind. I’ve been in the garden, and the rose in memory of my dog is in glorious bloom. A wonderful dusky lilac.

I hope to get back to normal soon. I will not rush. It will take 6 months to recover from the antibiotics. I hate this.

I always appreciate my cleaner, they do far more. They are a friend. My daughter is in lockdown in Oxford. We chatted today.

There’s a lovely book review on Amazon for my book. That is encouraging.


Sleeping a lot and the panic buying…

Thankfully, I slept well last night so the appliance on my finger didn’t bother me.

Today I have slept a lot. I woke feeling refreshed but soon realised I was exhausted. So I have slept a lot and rested.

Friends of mine are expecting a baby and she is in very early labour. I had hoped to see them, but she is exhausted and so am I.

I am not feeling so vulnerable now. I guess the physical exhaustion and the verbal stimuli I went through stripped back some of my resilience.

Life is hard sometimes, and we must accept it. We just need to sustain ourselves during the difficult times. It’s part of being alive.

No one ever said life would be easy.


I’m awake, too warm…

I woke at 3am. I think I was too warm. We need to be in cooler room to sleep well -cooler than the way we heat our homes. That’s why we sleep with our windows ajar.

Yesterday evening, I felt a little cold so I lit my candle heater. It’s a terracotta dome over a candle. They are easy to make with terracotta flower pots. I went to sleep with it still burning, which was a mistake.

If you run or work out in the evening, be sure to let your core temperature drop before you go to bed. We cannot get optimum sleep while we are too warm. This is why I would often wrap my daughter warmly and let her sleep in her pram in the garden. It is the optimum rest.

I have just had a tepid shower to cool myself and feel cooled. I did not feel over warm, but just in want of refreshing. It has helped.

I will lay to try to sleep again.


A very bad day…

Late last night Michael Ebsworth started texting me abuse. I had asked him to contact their letting agency to inform them that I was a good neighbour and that DW had slandered me. He has always said I was a good neighbour. But suddenly last night he started sending all these lies… He is incapable of independent thought. He has to live in submission and abeyance to DW, no matter how sick her thinking.

So my nervous system did it’s thing and I had muscle spasms and agitation, even though I had taken my medicines. I had to block him. I did not sleep until after 6am this morning. I awoke at 8.30. I was trembling and had a very tight chest. So I used my inhaler, a lot, a took my steroids. He knows that upsets affect me physically from when he trespassed in my home at 3 am.

Last time I took steroids in January, they made me feel on top of the world, chemically changed, energetic and hungry…just like early pregnancy. As yet , I barely feel recovered from my chest infection and lack energy. I heard some news on the radio, and felt very dark thoughts. I wanted to kill myself because this world has so little hope or plans to try to save this planet for our children. We want business as usual with every country, including China, which is like selling arms to Saudi.

None thinks about spirituality, God, our spirits and soul, our inner health. And it was so easy to get sucked into Michael Ebsworth’s lies. I do so regret that DW took such a vicious stance with me after I reacted to her very unpleasant text, which I should have been used to, except this time she spoke on his behalf, and not nastily about him.

Her vengeance is as clean as the sweet sound of the baseball hit by the bat into left field. I don’t recognise my life anymore. People she’s slandered me to are dissing me. I’m not used to it.

I had to wait in for a parcel so I took a tepid bath, had something to eat and went to see my daughter. She looked so beautiful, her smile is like diamonds to me. I bought a watch from ebay and chose one to look at in a shop tomorrow. I’m in need of some self love.

It’s good to be having lunch with a friend tomorrow…another friend got a migraine and had to cry off. I still feel close to tears at times, but I must sleep now. My mind and soul need rest.