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Sustaining A Sexual Connection For The Long Haul

When I had a consulting room, I often saw a couple or one of a couple saying that sex had gone out the window after, say, fifteen years of being together.

always found this sad as the best sex is when you really get each other, when you are friends. Not when you are starry eyed first in love. That is when we explore and say we are pleased when maybe we are not.

So you made it as a couple for years but if you are not touching each other as you pass in the kitchen, cuddle as you watch TV, can’t wait to share your day with your partner, then sex becomes infrequent and eventually non existent. Don’t let this happen.

The secret to whether your sex will last is if you cuddle after sex says Emily Nagoski, Sex Educator at Smith College. If you cuddle intimacy is sustained and you will look forward to your next sexual communication.

A healthy sex life long down the road is about the pleasure of each other’s skin touching. It is emotional presence for each other. Being fully present, attentive, communicating.

Hurt feelings and resentments prevent good sex. Deal with minor conflicts quickly. Keep short accounts with each other. Don’t go to bed angry at one another. We can’t last with make up sex.

If you are a serial monogamist or divorcee, examine how you approach sex and intimacy. No one dreams of being a third or fourth wife/husband. It happens, but something is missing.

Beware of casual misogyny; ‘life’s a bitch’, life is like a BWA — a beautiful woman with attitude.

Such sayings have no place in the mouth of a good man.

Women, you need a Good Man.

So much depends on men. How they are raised, who they hang out with, whether they watch porn. No teenager learned anything good from pornography.

Don’t watch it together. It has no place in your sex life.

So the secret to lasting sex lives is skin touching skin. No resentments and no misogyny. Here’s to your good sex life.

Published in Shelter Me part of The Good Men Project

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Some good news….

I forgive many times, but I won’t have fake friends…



Yesterday I had a visit from two people who may well be able to sort out the problem with the wind chimes. I had a very positive meeting with these people and I feel an optimism that some other things will be sorted out too. I will say more about this in due time.

Quay Living, the letting agent for next door, have some how given out my number, so I have had a total of fifteen answered calls from their clients and several missed ones. This is very odd indeed, and if our numbers were similar, or it was any other entity in the town I would not suspect anything. It is now with the police.

The skin irritation that alerted me to the side effects of my medicine has come back. Again. Every time I think it is gone, it just slyly starts to reappear. I am treating it with the ointment, which came in a generous amount, but every time I feel a tiny bump on my skin anywhere on my body, I get paranoid that the irritation has spread. I will need to phone my doctor for advice. I feel uncomfortable with this paranoia. I need it to end.

I had another good night of sleep last night. I cannot emphasise enough how important good sleep is. When my daughter was a baby, I napped whenever she did. Housework will always be there and it’s amazing what can be done with a baby on one’s hip. It’s no good depriving oneself of sleep when so many other factors steal it anyway. So I’ve overall been feeling good, and more able to cope with stresses.

I planted up a large planter in September. I put in an odd mixture of plants because at the time I had nowhere else to put them. Now I have violets and wild strawberries in bloom and poppies in bud. It’s most odd. It’s climate change. Next week the gardener to whom I gave my piano is coming to make some changes in my garden. I’m looking forward to that.

I’ve embedded my sound cloud page here now. Just sharing the link gave some problems, I’m not at all technical. Although yesterday I was able to pass on some of the little knowledge that I do have.