Categories
Post

Still recovering…

I am still recovering from my appointment in Southampton. My body hurts everywhere. Yesterday, I managed to get to the shops, today I took the shower I needed but have slept on and off with painkillers.

I feel without hope. I want rid of the body I am trapped in.

Categories
Post

Somewhat low…

Since I came back from Southampton, I feel subdued. A bit sad. To go all that way for such a tiny reason has disappointed me so much.

I keep being asked if I fall asleep. No, I don’t because of my neurological disease. It seems that consultants find it hard to look past their specialism.

A friend came over, and we sat by the birch tree. Birds were to and fro. Quite bold.

It was pleasant, but after she left I knew I needed to get some food in the house. But I watered the garden instead.

I don’t fall asleep but my spelling is now rubbish, I forget my next sentence, and I type the same word twice. I catch all of these (I think), but am frightened by it.

I have done very little today. I don’t really want to do anything. I want to sleep and never stop.

Categories
Post

Trying to relax…

Moths over Las Vegas

Paramedics have just left. I feel buzzed by the nebuliser. I had two. Salbutamol and and another which has a name I don’t recall. They hadn’t encountered me before and her wish to convey me to A&E was making some of my symptoms worse.

They were both kind, though and she relaxed a bit. That helped me. Now I just need to relax so I can sleep.

I had actually delayed phoning for paramedics all afternoon. But I realised that I would not be able to sleep.

Categories
Post

No sleep…

Last night I got no sleep at all. I may have dozed at around midnight.

I am very grateful that my friend Judy helped me sellotape a package and took it to the post office for me. I had ordered a replacement laptop, which turned out to be cheap rubbish, and half of the charger was missing. A substitute was sent, but that didn’t fit. So I sent it back. I have my eye on a better one. I am so grateful to my daughter for lending me this. I just discovered it detects that I’m typing in German and automatically uses the letters that English doesn’t have. Neat. Maybe if my friend in Dubai tells me more secrets, I’ll stick with this.

I have been chewing the fat with a close friend in Virginia about how to tell someone some news. I’ve know him since I was twenty. And his wife. It’s hard to chew the fat on WhatsApp. With a five hour time difference. I’ve kind of spilled out while he was sleeping. I know he’ll not be mad at me. The worst is that he’ll be firm.

And I’ve accidentally hurt someone I employ but esteem highly. I can never get over it. The unintended consequence is too much too bear. I can’t undo it.

So I’ve not had the best weekend at all. I feel wretched physically and in my soul.

To love mercy,
To do justice,
and walk humbly before my God

Categories
Post

It could be better…

I am still using my daughter’s MacBook. The laptop I ordered came with an incomplete charger. I contacted the seller. They sent me another charger. It doesn’t fit. I want to send the whole lot back. They need to take up to 48 hours and will email me.

My consumer rights are being breached, but when you are on a very slow ‘chat’, it is less frustrating to just go with the flow.

Flow is one thing I don’t get with a MacBook. No moving effortlessly from one tab to another, copy and pasting, highlighting. Well, I can highlight on this. I just hate Apple. They use cheap Chinese labour, and I detest that. South Korea is at least a vague democracy, with human rights.

I missed a zoom meeting with SWASFT because of all this. I am so embarrassed but my boss is so sweet and laid back.

On Monday night I fell asleep within minutes of going to bed. I woke at 5.30 and napped in the middle of the day. Wednesday night I woke at 2am and fell asleep at 11am. I need to get a handle on my sleep. But my neurological disease needs controlling and that makes me very tired.

I’ve skipped three poetry zoom events. I guess I’m feeling my introversion at the moment. I am an introvert, but can extrovert fairly comfortably except in a group. It’s known as maturity. Being able to do both. In my teens I never said a word.

So now I need sleep and to rest.

Categories
Post

Next day…

I have been OK, even without the medicine. I’m suprised, as previously I got quite unwell. I felt it most last night.

I’m thankful for the friends I have who help me out atsuch times. I better not mention who they are or where they live as the poison pen may get busy again. One would think they have better thingsto do.

It is so bitterly cold. I feel it even though I am snug in my home. I hear the wind, and see the sky and know it’s 0/-1 C out there today.

I have not yet been summoned for my vaccinne. I thought I would get done with the vulnerable grouping. If they have me by age, I have a wait. I still am dubious about how my neurological disease will react to the chemicals that preserve the protein spike.

I am in a sleep cycle that isn’t great just now. I wake between 2am and 3am. I am drawn to my bed early though. I love my bed and in winter I just want to hibernate. Daffadils are beginning to show, and other spring flowers. I have seeds to sow in March. That’s not far away. I will have been shielding since March 6 last year so nearly a year. Of course, I have been out, but since Christmas only twice.

Categories
Post

I am getting over it and challenging my council…

The fraudulent activity has shaken mea lot. That person needed to know five separate facts about me. Some of them quite obscure.

I don’t think any of my friends know all of those five. I have felt very vulnerable since Friday.

Last week I put a question to my Council about sewage and nitrates going into the local harbour. It turns out that they are supporting a bill which will deal with this. (A chance to make polluting natural waters.)

I’ve had to block several messages since then.

I’m not sleeping. I go through phases like this but this one is bad. I end up in a deep sleep during the morning. I’m going to phone my doctor.

I am beginning to find lockdown hard with my daughter in Oxford. The grey weather doesn’t help. I’m so grateful that the afternoons are longer now. Each day is longer by two minutes.

Categories
Post

Jupiter and Saturn…

It was Jupiter and Saturn that aligned during the Solstice on Monday. My apologies for such a terrible error. I don’t know how that happened.

I didn’t see it. It was cloudy.

My Christmas lights didn’t work. A lot of disappointments in that cupboard this year.

I stopped taking steroids as my sleep is being disrupted and I am bruising badly. My breathing is much better so I think it’s best to stop now.

Categories
Post

Inexplicably tired…

Since yesterday I feel incredibly tired. I slept well last night but I keep falling asleep today.

I guess I just want it to be spring. I want sunshine.

Categories
Post

And repeat…

I am wondering if I need to start another course of antibiotics. Although I still feel well, finally, I am wheezing again.

I am still sleeping like all get out, but exertion causes me wheezing. I should have spoken to my doctor in the week, but was sleeping until 1pm or so. It’s hard to squeeze everything in the remaining hours.

I attended a poetry zoom meeting last night. It was very good, but then my internet dropped out and that was curtailed. No Abby G Poetree there uming and aring and always choosing the same people. No silent cutting out of someone who responds to unkindness.

I sleep well well at night, and then on to lunch time. Even when I have breakfast. Even if I answer the door. I sit down and sleep. I must say I like it. I love being relaxed.

I don’t know how long this will go on.

Categories
Post

Sleeping a lot…

I am sleepinga great deal. I guess my body is doing what it needs to do. I open the window in my bedroom to cool the air and I sleep well. I don’t close it until noon or later, when I wake.

The letting agent for nextdoor cause problems at a neighbourhood not far away where my friend lives. How odd that is. I have not heard a good word about them any where.

I am drinking lots of fluids.

Categories
Post

Feeling awful…

Yesterday,, paramedics came out as I was wheezing so badly. They nebulized me, which gave some improvement, but wanted to take me to hospital. They agreed that the risk of catching worse bugs there was too high.

I was shaking so much with the effect of the nebuliser. I could see my hands trembling and I had tachycardia. I went to bed at 7.30 or so and amazingly I slept well.

I had been meant to see friends yesterday, which we put of until today but I have cancelled as I feel so weak.

I will sip some wine and go to bed soon. I hope my rest will be as good tonight.

My daughter is working in Oxford for another five months. I don’t want to worry her.

It’s been good to have contact with her though, and many of my friends.