I have a chest infection…

Last Thursday, I stupidly went to the ED to be nebulised. I was there four hours and no neb in sight. I told them my neurological disease causes problems, that the noise and lights are too much. I tried to leave with a canula in my arm. I was stopped. A doctor confirmed that a crackle was heard in my lung.

The canula came out. I said I wanted to leave. The nurse went to get the papers for me to sign, but I left with Marcin.

I went to my surgery for a prescription and we came home. I haven’t been nebulised. I started taking steroids today.

Jupiter and Saturn…

It was Jupiter and Saturn that aligned during the Solstice on Monday. My apologies for such a terrible error. I don’t know how that happened.

I didn’t see it. It was cloudy.

My Christmas lights didn’t work. A lot of disappointments in that cupboard this year.

I stopped taking steroids as my sleep is being disrupted and I am bruising badly. My breathing is much better so I think it’s best to stop now.

Two steps forward, one back…

Yesterday, I made the effort to wash my hair. I needed the boost of nice hair after feeling so ill for so long.

Afterward, I was wheezing a bit and felt quite vulvnerable. I decided to just rest and relax, which helped a lot. I slept well after a while, and rested until lunch time.

I have finished the steroids too now. I feel better in my breathing for having taken them. I’ve never had the top of the world feeling I had after the first course I was given, but I think that coincided with Mike having walked away in the January. I felt empowered and in charge of me.

It’s two years now since he crashed into my bedroom. I really wish he had not, because I would still think of him as the boring man and would be nuturing my friendship with DW.

Today, I slept until almost noon and stayed in bed while my cleaner was here, for the first time ever. They offered to heat some of my homemade soup, but I find snacks and lots of fluids are all I want.

My window has not been closed for some days. It is so mild, and the cool nights help me sleep.

It was Abby G Poetree night a few days ago, and I didn’t miss it at all. I prefer the more democratic ones, where no one is favoured and congratulations are given appropriately, and where boyfriends don’t interfere on group pages.

I haven’t been out since I had the Thai Curry with my friend. That seems a while ago, but I don’t mind. I’ve been in the garden, and the rose in memory of my dog is in glorious bloom. A wonderful dusky lilac.

I hope to get back to normal soon. I will not rush. It will take 6 months to recover from the antibiotics. I hate this.

I always appreciate my cleaner, they do far more. They are a friend. My daughter is in lockdown in Oxford. We chatted today.

There’s a lovely book review on Amazon for my book. That is encouraging.

Yesterday was difficult for breathing…

We have had rain and milder weather. Damp air impedes my breathing. So, although yesterday started well, I later felt short of breath quite a bit.

The only thing I can do is use my inhaler. I am going to get a small dehumidifier. I can at least alter the atmosphere where I write.

I have had a chat with my GP about my appointment with Respiratory Medicine at the hospital. He approves that I went ahead with my course of steroids. The hospital will have to wait six weeks before they do tests, so that the steroids are out of my system. I am glad that I am a good self-manager, most of the time.

I have found myself much too warm, and much too cold. This is partly because of the steroids, and partly because I have a niggle of anxiety about the ‘specialist’ I saw, and his manner. Having gone against his instructions would not affect me if I did not have this neurological disease. It displays any anxiety in a physical way.

I also need to explore if anything I am eating is causing my shortness of breath. I am allergic to sheep’s cheese. I found out in the typical way, and have avoided it since. I have recently made changes to food I eat, so must check.

I am having a facial today. I can ill afford it, as I was presented with an unexpected utility bill from my previous provider. But I deserve it, so I will enjoy it.

Getting there…

Today started fairly well, I remembered to use my inhaler. I am meant to use it every morning, but I am only just getting into the habit. It’s habits that make our lives good and happy, or empty and pointless.

My daughter went to fetch my steroids. I got them later than I hoped, but I took them, todays dose, anyway. I’m meant to take them in the morning as they encourage wakefulness, rather than sleep.

Last night, I watched Sully. I enjoyed it a lot. I don’t watch a lot of TV, as I’d prefer to watch it with someone. I mostly enjoy natural history programmes, some documentaries and a good drama.

I have run out of hours today. I slept a little late as I was awake a lot last night. I have had letters from the hospital. I pick up a device to monitor my breathing during my sleep for two nights. This means I probably won’t sleep…

I got news from friends in the States, though we are in touch a lot with WhatsApp. And I am a sounding board for my friend in Australia, who is buying a mother of the groom outfit. She has a wonderful dress. Now we are discussing jacket or pashmina. I’m for the pashmina as it will show off her dress. (The wedding is up a mountain in New Zealand, and it can be quite cool up there.)

I chatted with a lady from the hospital, who is dealing with my complaint. It is not a formal one. She is giving him feedback.

Starting to feel better…

Yesterday, I had afternoon tea with friends in the road where I live. My friend, the single former Headteacher, who never remembers a personal detail about her friends, and the retired couple who live opposite her.

It was very convivial, with a lot of chat and laughter. I have met the husband of the couple before, he removed the dead bird my neighbours placed inside my back porch. His wife is equally pleasant. They are both former nurses.

I was able to mention my appointment on new year’s eve without going into too much detail, but enough that they understood that I found it distressing, both mentally and physically.

Both households are dog owners, so I went with Ruth to walk hers. The sunset was finishing as we went along the quay, and then we cut through some footpaths. At one point, I had three seconds of real fear as I could no longer hear her, nor see her. I momentarily thought she had been silently attacked, but she was just collecting poop, behind a hedge.

I felt a lot better when I got home, but I still could not relax physically and was awake until early this morning.

I have decided to take the course of steroids after my chest infection, despite Dr Davies considering them unnecessary. I get great benefit from them.

Blue lights and paramedics…

So, I was going to bed when I started to feel wheezy and tight in my chest. My inhaler was not where I always put it in my bedroom, and the searching got me unsettled. I knew I had taken it downstairs when I had guests, but surely I had used it earlier in my bedroom. When I stopped searching, I found it.

It’s funny how things are always in the last place you look.

So I unlocked the front door and dialled 999. While I waited I played a game on my phone which distracts and keeps me calm. So when the paramedics arrived, I actually felt a little better. The paramedics were alarmed. I felt like an imposter. So my breathing was very bad, my blood pressure raised and my heart rate high. They gave me the usual steroid to inhale and then they gave me another steroid that I’ve never had before. I am shaking as a result.

They made me sign a disclaimer, as I refused to go to hospital. Even so, my breathing was slowed significantly and my heart rate was slowed more than on other paramedic visits.

While I was being treated, the lead paramedic who was supervising started commenting on what good taste I had in my home. He said my dining room lights were ‘lush’. And he liked the art I’ve hung, and my furniture. My friend Geoff will be pleased as he put up the lights with no charge. I chose them of course.

So I brought some TripleSec up to my room to try to dull the effects of the steroids – my mind pinging around, and my body shaking. I will be awake for sometime. Hey ho.

I just got a message from a dear friend who is my former bosses wife. We have grown close through facebook and messaging. I used to be in awe of her. She is so kind and generous in spirit. I’m going to send her the cake recipe I posted yesterday.

I have been in touch with my cousin all day. We communicate almost every day. I am hoping to go there for Christmas, but as they had already arranged to go to her son’s, so she is working on it.