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Cancelled hair appointment…

I had a hair appointment today. For some reason, I woke feeling like a brick is in my chest. I should be continuing to feel better.

I haven’t done much. I had a very bad night, but did not expect to feel so unwell today.

The recipe yesterday is meant to be flavourful, not spicy hot. Don’t overdo the ginger/chilli.

It seems that Quay Living have told my neighbours to ignore me. That I never did anything wrong is beyond their understanding. I had a man crash into my bedroom at three in the morning. Their tenant.

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I’ve realised why…

I’ve had so much traffic. Not only have I been nominated for an award, but I was invited to post one of my blog posts at a site because it was ”outstanding”.

I’m feeling very unwell as I discovered the second med. I take had run out. The pharmacy sent only half of my script. This one doesn’t keep me alive but helps. The trouble is that a missed dose makes one feel weird and strange. It passes off but it is unpleasant. So for the next few hours I will be feeling horrible.

I’ve had four nuisance calls this morning. I’ve also had numerous phone calls about a non-existent car accident. I am not stupid.

I am no threat to anyone. I’m pretty insignificant to anyone except my daughter. I’m not in love with anyone, I don’t write poison letters, and this blog at no time mentions where I live. I make sure that any surname used is across the whole country.

My ankle has been incredibly painful since last night. This morning my whole leg was hot and throbbing. It has reduced now, but is still uncomfortable.

My breathing is OK even though I’ve only taken my med once this week. I have been needing my inhaler more often and at times have struggled to breathe, but I cannot cope with the side effects.

It’s so weird how a person can proclaim their love, their protection and that no one else in the world matters and be gone the next day. Without a word.

I would give anything for a hour with my Dad and other people throw their family away. The injustice!

I am sickened by some peoples’ attitude to ward the protests against the brutality toward black people in America or here. White privilege is so obstructive one could fall over it and break one’s leg.

It isn’t only George Floyd. It’s Ahmaud Arbery. It’s Joy Gardner, Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown and so many, many more.

No one understands unless they’re black. I saw fear on my black friends’ faces when a cop car drove by, I understood why they were afraid, but I can’t even imagine it.

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I had food poisoning…

My queasiness turned into violent vomiting which unnerved me. Once that was over I seemed to feel myself again. I drank lots, with a rehydration tablet dissolved in it and went to bed.

But I awoke in a discombobulated state. I drank loads more water and ate some protein.

I checked in with my GP, not just about the food poisoning but another issue too. He told me I would need several days to recover fully.

I brought up the issue of linking with the hospice and became very weepy. It’s so emotive.

He suggested I might see a neurologist locally. I’ve already seen him. An excellent doctor, but an appalling bedside manner, and lack of awareness.

I don’t want to be poked and prodded again. I’ve been an experiment too much already. I want peace.

I love my life. I love my home. I love where I live. I’m just tired of forgetting where I put things and the energy it takes to do everything.

If only I could breathe without effort.

Mark, my GP, our children went to school together, so we address each other by first names, says we need to talk face to face so it has to wait until lockdown is over.

This is when I want a hand to hold in the night. My ex-husband would hold my hand in night if I slipped mine into his. No words. The same with Michael. I had a long relationship after I divorced my husband, and we touched as we slept too.

I have two heroes today. Mainly my daughter.

The vitriol on medium goes on. Callum Brown also made a complaint but about far more than I did.

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Feeling queasy…

Today I have felt unwell. For the first time in years I feel queasy and not myself.

I am used to pain. I am not used to being unwell.

I haven’t had a cold in years. I don’t get ill. I don’t like this.

Please pray for me.

Thanks.