They took my greatest wealth…

I did not sleep well last night despite the window being ajar. I don’t know why. So, this morning I slept until noon, being woken by knocking in my dream which was actual knocking. I have no idea who it was.

At this time of year, I start to count the days off until the Solstice. In my mind I am doing this but I can no longer see the sun. I am aware of sunset because the glow is just visible. I can’t see the sun at all, because of the monstrosity they have built in front of my house.

In terms of beauty of nature, they have taken my greatest wealth – the view from my bedroom where I write. I was able to see the mouth of the harbour, ferries coming in and out, the chain ferry across the entrance, and at night, all the lights. The yachts sailing, windsurfers. It’s all gone from me and it affects my mental health.

I used to smile at that view. A smile is good for your mind. That view would beckon me outdoors… It reminded me of how big the world is and all the places I’ve been.

I watched Ireland beat Georgia at rugby today. Ireland did not play well, in spite of the score. I’ve seen Ireland play far better against the All Blacks. Against many teams. They won, and that’s what matters.

I feel sad. The pandemic has not been terrible for me, but it has messed up my social life.

I miss masculinity in my life. My Dad, my Uncle. I am grateful they did not live to endure the pandemic.

I like men. I don’t mean in a sexual way. I just mean I miss men.


What do you see?

Looking at this photo most people think of a bee and the danger of being stung. I see a flower feeding a bee, being pollinated and more bluebells being formed.

It’s our point of view. The place from which we look at life, events, relationships etc. A little while ago someone I thought of as a growing friendship threw our relationship away in the belief that I had behaved maliciously. I had done nothing of the kind, but had inadvertently given three separate pieces of information to someone I thought I could trust, and they pieced that all together by watching ‘likes’ and comments on social media, then saw an opportunity to punish the person who threw my friendship away.

It was not their place to do that. It caused me a lot of pain because they broke my confidence and my trust. It caused pain to the person who was no longer my friend.

A lot of bad behaviour started being directed at me. Stuff was thrown into my garden, I found myself subscribed to stuff online, and other things. So the police were involved and other agencies that help keep our neighbourhoods safe. But one important agent was lied to about me and was not told of the behaviour of the person who lied. So I asked Michael Ebsworth to explain to the agent the truth, otherwise I would have to take legal action.

Mr Ebsworth told me I was blackmailing him. What? I was dumbfound. To ask someone to tell the truth to avoid legal action is not blackmail. Is it?

I guess it depends from where you are looking. In law it is not blackmail, the police and courts are always saying do this otherwise….whatever.


Another blow…

I have another chest infection. I think I didn’t ever recover from the last one. Now I am on antibiotics and steroids. I have felt nervous about this recent illness as I feel it shouldn’t be happening. I should be well after the last steroids.

My landlord is now being difficult about the addition of the cloakroom and wants me to go find some one bedroom flat somewhere so I will die quietly without being on their conscience.

I won’t do that. The view here is what keeps me going. I am not a puppet to do their bidding after they have broken so many laws about housing.

I have a poem accepted for publication, another has been submitted for publication and I have lost a poem that I needed to finish. This is a blow.

I am looking at the harbour, the view that sustains me. It is my church, my place to worship God and give thanks.