The relief is always brief…coping

This is what my cottage looks like in my heart and dreams. It will look like this when I go to it from this earth…

Yesterday was such a pleasant day and I enjoyed it so much. A day shared with loved ones is always a great day, I think. Especially when you are sharing a common goal, like my garden.

Today I am towards struggling with my breathing again. I realised last night that the antibiotics prescribed this time are one a day. I had already taken four as I normally have. This means that either I am incredibly well or maybe I have compromised my immune system to some degree. I don’t like the misuse of antibiotics because my sister died of sepsis so recently. No antibiotic could save her life. I am not unduly alarmed as there is nothing I can do about it now. I need to be more careful about reading the label from now on. Lesson learnt..

I awoke earlier than expected and seemed at a loss to know what to do. I treated my sun tanned skin -it does seem to have calmed down and looks healthier. I’m not sure what my face looks like, as I haven’t really looked in a mirror today, just cleansed my face and applied a soothing cream. I expect all my freckles are out. I have a mix of European and Celt skin, so I am freckled but generally get a light tan in summer. Not that I am that bothered. My Dad and my sister used to go brown after an hour in sunshine. I always was slightly envious as I often might feel a sting on my skin after a short time in the sun. While I lived in California, however, this was never a problem. I just felt so healthy there and so loved by those in my care.

Sunshine is our best source of vitamin D which protects us from cancer. I no longer use sunscreen as I’ve learnt that it prevents the skin absorbing Vitamin D. It also stops buying #plastic which I detest. It is such a pollutant and does not biodegrade. It’s such a question of how long one spends in the exposure of the sun.

So the double nebuliser gave me instant relief, and though I did wheeze later my inhaler sorted it out. I did not sleep until after four in the morning due to its stimulant properties.

Yesterday was the best day I’ve had since my chest infection started. I slept well. Today I ventured out and got some cordials and fruit, the former to replenish and the latter to have as a cool refreshment when I feel hot and want more than a drink. When I came home I was struggling to breathe so made use of my inhaler, and rested. I play solitaire when I rest, unless I read. But it’s so hard to stay indoors with this glorious weather.

I went out a bit later, found that a friend was out so went to the shoreline to see the hills of Purbeck, but the breeze was cold there so I came home and came upstairs to write. I crawled to my bedroom as my breathing was such hard work. It is frustrating but I must adapt and accommodate it.

So this is me now in summertime in England. I love summer, but now it causes me so much struggle. Once I have a nebuliser at home, thing will be easier. But I now feel perfectly comfortable to dial 999 for an emergency ambulance.

I have made so many spelling errors in the writing of this blog. Brain fog is becoming a norm at the end of the day. I’m thankful for my spell check. I often repeat syllables too.

By Chrisssie Morris Brady

I've read poetry since I was nine and have written creatively since I was fourteen (probably long before that). After writing book reviews and social comment, I decided I wanted to write poetry. I have no formal training, but I surround myself with poets and their writing. I am honing my craft.
I have two published collections which I don't feel good about, but have been published by and other publications. I live on the south coast of England with my daughter. I am seriously ill.

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